“What better way to show that the United States is a Christian nation than by celebrating Jesus’ crucifixion on America’s birthday!?” – President Donald J. Trump
Authorities have confirmed that Y’all-Qaeda leadership has ties to a Mississippi terror cell referred to as Talabangelicals who are also complete [expletive].
“I’ll be watching the donation basket like a hawk as it goes around. You toss a $20 in there and you better believe I’m throwing a few extra sassy swings in your direction during the pot parade.”
“Starbucks will now be using cups with the following messages and designs instead of the happy holidays ones…”
“He’s found a loophole here and it’s simply stunning.” – Rudy Giuliani
“We should always be looking up to God before going down to worship,” said Francis.
“Those familiar with the Bible will immediately know that this is The Mark of the Beast,” stated Carson while steepling his fingers and arching his eyebrows.
“Look people, this is ludicrous, Jesus was a white man,” said Kelly.
Limbaugh was last seen near his home in Palm Beach, FL.
Trump tweeted and gave approval for the TSA to ban all passengers from flying if they dress like the suspect who is now in detainment.