Trump Carrier Pigeons Twitter Ban

Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons

Hundreds of pigeons bearing handwritten messages from Donald Trump were released from the White House today after Trump was banned from Twitter and nearly every other social media site. The president – who was annoyed by the birds flying around … Continue reading Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons

President Trump brags about winning a Darwin Award

With the announcement of the 26th Annual Darwin Awards, Donald Trump has found himself on the winner’s list. The leader of the free world tweeted about his accomplishment. Notably, Darwin Award winners are required to be sterile, display an astounding … Continue reading President Trump brags about winning a Darwin Award

Trump Construction of Gold, Mansion-Styled Prison is First Big Step Toward Prison Reform

Trump is Building a ‘Golden, Mansion-Style Prison’

Trump said that the new complex would be “an experiment representing a new approach for overhauling the prison system and has nothing to do with Michael Cohen’s testimony.” Continue reading Trump is Building a ‘Golden, Mansion-Style Prison’

President Trump Announces Massive 4th of July Celebration for Liberals

“HOLD THE DATE! We will be having one of the largest gatherings in the history of Washington State,” Trump wrote. “There will be a rainbow of fireworks, the best drag queens – only the best – and the first ever reading of the US Constitution by your favorite President, me!” Continue reading President Trump Announces Massive 4th of July Celebration for Liberals

President Trump Has Invited Nick Sandmann to Stand Six Inches From His Face at the State of The Union Address

“Nick will be up there competing for the same oxygen supply as the President for roughly an hour.” Continue reading President Trump Has Invited Nick Sandmann to Stand Six Inches From His Face at the State of The Union Address

Nationwide Removal of All Confederate Statues Begins as Participation Trophies are Sent to Grieving Southerners

Trump is trying to rectify the situation by sending Civil War participation trophies to his seething supporters. Continue reading Nationwide Removal of All Confederate Statues Begins as Participation Trophies are Sent to Grieving Southerners

Awful Commercial Angers Men, Causes Hipsters to Shave Beards

Gillette says they intend to replace the marketing team with all female, yet conservative employees “so both sides shut up.” Continue reading Awful Commercial Angers Men, Causes Hipsters to Shave Beards