We can’t have Canada smelling like burnt, used condoms anymore,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated.
pollution
Al Gore to Release Scathing Climate Change Film Titled ‘Bitches, I Fucking Warned You!’
“The people alive today are the last generation of humans that’ll live on this planet as we know it. Having said that, I’d like to invite everyone to go ahead and eat a dick.”
Uber’s New Submarine Service ‘ScUber’ Will Let Riders Drop Trash Directly on The Great Barrier Reef
“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.”
Piling Bodies, Trash & Feces Make Mount Everest 9 Feet Taller Every Week
“It’s an odd hellscape where you can hear people scream as their bones crunch under your boots.”
Greenpeace Tells Americans: “Wipe Your Butts With Your Hands”
“Who cares if you can’t wash the smell off, you’ve saved an orangutan!”
Yale Study Says Farting Burns More Calories Than Working Out
“If friendship and odors don’t matter to you, then you could really get in great shape.”
Tim Cook Swallows an Entire iPhone XS Max to Prove It’s Environmentally Friendly
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that,” Siri apologized as a wide-eyed Cook choked on a chunk of the XS Max.
Disgusting Lactose Intolerant People Emit the Same Amount of Methane as Dairy Cows
“I can tell you how the world ends right now. We fart ourselves to death.” – Stanford Professor Böse Blahung
Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution
Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans.
Green Chicago River Full of Vomit by 10 AM
“We’re just going to burn the alcohol-laced vomit off like every year, that’s where the city gets its signature smell.” – Chicago Gov. J.B. Pritzker
Trump’s High School Revokes GED
“We estimate that the president stopped caring about the English language at, or around, the 4th grade.”
Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’
“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.”
Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation
We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump
Trump is Selling ‘Urine-Scented’ Perfume
‘MAGA’ is a unisex perfume boasting liquefied $100 bills as a key ingredient.
SoCal Children, Babies Already Impacted by THC in Smog
Californians may have unknowingly gotten a lot of small children incredibly high.