A move by the Biden administration to suspend or fire any staff who have used marijuana has had unintended consequences after it was revealed that Vice President Kamala Harris previously smoked the drug. Harris was immediately placed on a 30-day suspension without pay and will be required to pass weekly drug tests for the remainder of her time in office.
Karen Pence says she will only allow her husband to debate Kamala Harris if she can sit on stage between the two candidates and “make sure that Mike doesn’t give in to sexual temptations.” Shortly after the news broke, Joe Biden gave a statement to reporters. “Who we have in office right now is a president that brags about grabbing women by the pussy, and a vice president who can’t even speak to women without adult supervision,” Biden stated while sniffing at a female staffer’s nape. “It’s wild. I mean, what’s with all these men who can’t control themselves?” Notably, the conditions set by Karen Pence mark the first time she has ever expressed concern that her husband might show an ounce of warmth toward a Black woman. As of press time, Karen was demanding to speak to the top authorities at the University of Utah – where the debate will be held – to make sure that she is given a comfortable chair at center stage.
Former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin offered advice to Kamala Harris today after she was selected to be Joe Biden’s running mate. Via an Instagram post, the former Alaska governor gave a few suggestions. “Congrats to the democrat VP pick. If I can say one thing to you it’s this: don’t be a total fucking moron. That was my biggest mistake.” Palin wrote. “Climb upon Geraldine Ferraro’s shoulders, and then step on her head and climb up onto my shoulders, and from the most amazing view in your life, remember to never say that you can see Russia from your house.” Despite COVID-19, as a final piece of advice, Palin told Harris to remember to “shake as many hands as possible.”