American rapper, singer, and songwriter Kanye West released his latest album titled Pensive today. The 3 hour and 12 minute album consists of 17 tracks of varying lengths which contain nothing but silence. Notably, the album sells for $199.99 and critics are calling it West’s best work to date. No tour will be announced to accompany the release until Kanye can figure out how to shut the fuck up. Advertisements
Award-winning singer/songwriter Mark Ronson came out as trysexual today – meaning he’ll try anything in the bedroom with sexual partners. “It doesn’t matter how nasty the act is, I’ll try it,” Ronson smiled. “You name it, I’ve done it, or I’m probably about to.” Ronson added that being trysexual means he gives every fetish “three good ol’ fashioned tries” before he can decide to never do it again.
Authorities are calling Chris Brown’s new album Indigo “32 tracks of incriminating evidence” which relate to 14 new assualt allegations against the artist.
Elders of the ASPCA materialized on stage. Cloaked in black hoods, they hovered and waited for Jarmon to sign their commercial contract in her own blood.
“Someone from that festival will be having an unwanted child that babbles bullshit for years; so when that happens, I highly recommend they name it Kanye.”
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