So I’ve been trying for the better part of an hour now to put all of these cheap, plastic attachments back on my goddamned vacuum cleaner. One could certainly say by looking at the various shapes on the back of this vacuum that an attempt was made to provide ways to affix these attachments, although there doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to what I’m looking at here. There’s a semi-circular shape sticking out of the back that almost fits the long skinny tube piece. It’ll probably stay in there if you just don’t move the vacuum too much. Then of course I could slide the little mustache looking brush thing right on top of the long skinny tube piece. It does seem to slide right on top of the tube pretty snuggly. Nope. They both just fell off again. Okay. Back to how I always do it: Put the attachments against the vacuum and wrap the power cord around the whole fucking thing to hold them in place. If anyone knows what the fuck to do here, please leave a comment. Photo by Your Best Digs Advertisements
(Waukesha, WI) – Local man Brian Fitzsimmons who’s been down on his luck lately and desperate for anything to work out decided Sunday afternoon that he’d get himself a real lucky rabbit’s foot for good luck. First, Fitzsimmons found a rabbit in the woods in his backyard. Using a fishing net, he caught it and brought it to his toolshed. He then grabbed a hacksaw and began carving through the bunny’s front left paw. Once he cut clean through, he went and chucked the rabbit carcass back into the woods whereupon he found ten adorable newborn bunnies that the butchered rabbit had just recently given birth to. Fitzsimmons says he now plans to teach his kids how to make lucky rabbit’s feet when he has custody next week. “I’ve been looking for a way to bond with my children. This just might be it,” an unemployed Fitzsimmons stated. “Who knows. This could even be the start of a new business venture for me. Things are looking up!”
A can opener that was purchased from a Schaumburg, Illinois IKEA in 2012 has never been washed once in its life. Can opener owner Sean Miller says he has his reasons for never cleaning the device. “In all fairness I’m not really sure if you’re supposed put this model in the dishwasher because of the plastic handle,” Miller stated while opening a can of sardines. “Plus, it’s not like can openers really get that dirty.”
“Overall, I’d give the movie 5-stars,” Kellner stated.
“I’ll be watching the donation basket like a hawk as it goes around. You toss a $20 in there and you better believe I’m throwing a few extra sassy swings in your direction during the pot parade.”