‘Caddyshack’ Gopher Catches Trump Supporters Who Voted Multiple Times In 2020

News broke today that the gopher from Caddyshack – now turned Federal agent – overheard three residents from The Villages admit to committing voter fraud in the 2020 election. The gopher was sent to secretly monitor the community using a … Continue reading ‘Caddyshack’ Gopher Catches Trump Supporters Who Voted Multiple Times In 2020

Trump: 'Wow! Whoever This Rudy Guy Is, He Sounds Really Screwed

Trump: ‘Whoever This Rudy Guy Is, He Sounds Really Screwed!’

Rudy Giuliani was suspended from practicing law in the state of New York today after an appellate court ruled that there was undeniable evidence that he “communicated false and misleading statements to courts, lawmakers and the public at large as … Continue reading Trump: ‘Whoever This Rudy Guy Is, He Sounds Really Screwed!’

53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits

A poll released today revealed that 53% of Republicans firmly believe that Donald Trump is currently the real president of the United States. What’s more, another 63% say he should still run again in 2024. But if Trump were truly … Continue reading 53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits

Liz Cheney reminds public shes still a horrible person

Uncomfortable With Liberal Support, Liz Cheney Reassures Public She’s ‘Still A Horrible, Horrible Person’

Liz Cheney has been taking heat from fellow Republicans ever since she tweeted yesterday that “The 2020 presidential election was not stolen,” and that “Anyone who claims it was is spreading THE BIG LIE, turning their back on the rule … Continue reading Uncomfortable With Liberal Support, Liz Cheney Reassures Public She’s ‘Still A Horrible, Horrible Person’

Employers now asking who won the 2020 election in interviews to weed out crazy candidates

Employers Now Asking ‘Who Won The 2020 Election?’ In Job Interviews To Weed Out Crazy Candidates

It might be illegal, but top employers from around the country, including Walmart, Amazon, Kroger, Home Depot, and FedEx have started asking interviewees the screening question: “Who won the 2020 election?” The corporate decision to ask such a question comes … Continue reading Employers Now Asking ‘Who Won The 2020 Election?’ In Job Interviews To Weed Out Crazy Candidates

capitol stormers wish theyd worn hoods like grandparents used to

Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents

Citing a lack of anonymity as being their primary mistake, countless arrested domestic terrorists who stormed the Capitol now say they regret not wearing white, pointy hoods like their grandparents had during riots past. “Collectively, we should have learned from … Continue reading Arrested Capitol Attackers Now Wish They’d Worn Hoods Like Their Grandparents

Supreme Court Congratulates Joe Biden on Win and Says No Voter Fraud in election

Supreme Court Congratulates Biden, Says ‘No Evidence of Voter Fraud’

The US Supreme Court issued a rare message to the general public today letting the country know that they’d “gladly take on an election case if there were any real [expletive] evidence of voter fraud.” “Although we have taken on … Continue reading Supreme Court Congratulates Biden, Says ‘No Evidence of Voter Fraud’

Trump I can stop whenever i want doubles down on recount

‘I Can Stop Anytime I Want!’ Shouts Trump While Using Last of His Money to Double Down on Recounts

A desperate, broke Donald Trump was overheard shouting “C’mon baby! Donny needs a new set of results!” as he rolled the dice again by sending yet another $3 million to Wisconsin to recount votes for a second time. “The president … Continue reading ‘I Can Stop Anytime I Want!’ Shouts Trump While Using Last of His Money to Double Down on Recounts

White House orders Trump more straws to grasp at

White House Orders Thousands of Straws For Trump to Continue Grasping At

Staffers are reporting that the White House received a huge shipment of straws today after president Trump grasped at every last one he could find while trying to come up with a believable reason to overturn election results. “The president … Continue reading White House Orders Thousands of Straws For Trump to Continue Grasping At

absent minded democrats forget to rig house and senate races

Absent-Minded: Democrats Forget to Rig House & Senate Races

Having successfully rigged the 2020 presidential election for Joe Biden, Democrats are just now realizing that they forgot to cheat in all of the House and Senate races that took place across the country. “Whoops! We fixed the election for … Continue reading Absent-Minded: Democrats Forget to Rig House & Senate Races

Video shows trump crying and overeating after election loss

Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’

Having previously stated that he “might cry a lot” if he loses, the White House released a video today depicting Donald Trump gorging himself on KFC and McDonald’s while sobbing uncontrollably. The video, which was reportedly filmed in the past … Continue reading Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’

Angry Drivers Honk as Obama Delivers Speech in Middle of I-76

Angry Philadelphia Drivers Honk as Obama Delivers Speech in Middle of I-76

Desperately seeking to grab the nation’s attention, former President Barack Obama set up a stage and a podium in the middle of Philadelphia’s I-76 and delivered an impassioned speech denouncing Donald Trump this afternoon. Despite repeated and raucous honking, Obama … Continue reading Angry Philadelphia Drivers Honk as Obama Delivers Speech in Middle of I-76

Jerry Springer to Moderate next presidential debate

Jerry Springer to Moderate Next Presidential Debate With Steve Wilkos as Security

The next presidential debate has been officially rebranded as ‘The 2020 Presidential Debate With Jerry Springer,’ as the former TV show host and pseudo-celebrity is set to moderate. The Commission on Presidential Debates confirmed that the October 15th Miami debate … Continue reading Jerry Springer to Moderate Next Presidential Debate With Steve Wilkos as Security

Biden Asks Am I crazy or should i be winning by a lot

Biden Questions Own Mental Health: ‘Am I Crazy? Shouldn’t I Be Winning By, Like, A Lot?’

A visibly frustrated and bewildered Joe Biden asked a group of reporters today – out loud – if he was losing his mind, questioning “Am I fucking crazy? Shouldn’t I be winning by, like, a lot?” “I feel like I’m … Continue reading Biden Questions Own Mental Health: ‘Am I Crazy? Shouldn’t I Be Winning By, Like, A Lot?’

DC prepared to shut off Utilities at White House If Trump refuses to leave

DC Prepared to Shut Off Utilities If Trump Refuses to Leave White House

When asked if there was a plan in place if Donald Trump refuses to leave the White House after losing the November election, Washington D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser said that the city was already prepared for such a scenario. “Unfortunately, … Continue reading DC Prepared to Shut Off Utilities If Trump Refuses to Leave White House

First Lady Announces Final Phase of ‘Be Best’ Program is Voting Donald Trump Out of Office

In a shocking move today, First Lady Melania Trump announced that her ‘Be Best’ program against bullying has reached its surprise, final phase: voting Donald Trump out of office. “My fellow Americans. The time has come to teach the biggest … Continue reading First Lady Announces Final Phase of ‘Be Best’ Program is Voting Donald Trump Out of Office