“Milwaukee should brace itself for about 700 campaign rallies in the next 603 days.” – Gov. Tony Evers
“I have never been more turned on in my life.” – Juliet Moore, Bernie Sanders Supporter
“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”
An attempt to clue the Vice President in using his teleprompter backfired; resulting in Pence aggressively shouting “There’s a tail sticking out of your ass” in the middle of an impassioned speech on moral decay in America.
The Senator began the livestream by saying “Hold on a sec, I’m going to go grab my bong,” before exiting the shot and flipping on ‘Kaya’ by Bob Marley.
“The left prides itself on inclusivity, but here I am having to scream ‘DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER!?'”
Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character.