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Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens

Cohen poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster before biting the heads off several chickens.

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Trapped & Furious: Dead Robert Mueller Can’t Cross Over to Spirit Realm Until Barr Releases Full Report

The former FBI Director enrolled in a pottery class Anderson Cooper attends in an attempt to get him to sit in between his legs while whispering key findings in his ear.

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Glenn Beck Converts to Islam, Burns Down Notre Dame Cathedral

“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.”

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Leaked! White House Security Briefing Shows Insanity in Trump Administration

“It’s convoluted as [expletive]!” Senator Bernie Sanders stated. “The document obsesses over mechanical pencils and references outdated world news without context, but oddly enough everything ‘Trump’ now makes sense.”

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President Trump Announces Massive 4th of July Celebration for Liberals

“HOLD THE DATE! We will be having one of the largest gatherings in the history of Washington State,” Trump wrote. “There will be a rainbow of fireworks, the best drag queens – only the best – and the first ever reading of the US Constitution by your favorite President, me!”