A German Shepherd named Max who served in both Iraq and Afghanistan is refusing to accept the Medal of Honor until the United States elects a new president. “I would rather be shaved bald and forced to take a bath at night on the Fourth of July with all of the fireworks going off than be seen anywhere near that man,” Max said of Trump. “Why anyone would want to accept a medal for valor and heroism from a draft dodging, racist, sexist, homophobic, pathetic little man is beyond me.” Max says that should Joe Biden be elected in November that he will gladly accept the award. “I get yelled at all the time for sticking my nose in people’s butts and crotches,” Max stated. “So, personally, I couldn’t care less if the former vice president smells people’s hair.”
For most cat owners, washing your cat is something you don’t really put much thought into. We all think we do it the right way, but that’s probably not true. For starters, most of us don’t wash our cats as much as we should – or worse – at all. Here are three signs you’re washing your cat all wrong: 1 – Your pussy still smells. You probably aren’t washing your cat long enough if they still smell afterward. Most owners stop washing their fur ball as soon as the cat has drawn enough blood to make them lightheaded. To work around this problem, purchase kevlar reinforced animal handling gloves so you can really soak your kitty. 2 – Your pussy is itchy and dry. You should never use a hairdryer on a cat. Their skin oils are too delicate to handle the concentrated heat. Instead hang a clothesline and clip your cat to it for 30 minutes after the bath. 3 – There’s hair… everywhere. If your pet is shedding too much, even after their bath, consider giving your pussy a shave. Then wash them once more to prevent future shedding. Finally, remember to pin them up on that clothesline for drying.
“We’re asking that all passengers take a look in overhead storage and under their seats to avoid crushing the reptiles and to assist in their capture.”
“It’s sheer chaos,” New York Governor Andrew Cuomo stated. “Our pussies have gone mad with power.”