We can’t have Canada smelling like burnt, used condoms anymore,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated.
“The people alive today are the last generation of humans that’ll live on this planet as we know it. Having said that, I’d like to invite everyone to go ahead and eat a dick.”
“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.”
“Who cares if you can’t wash the smell off, you’ve saved an orangutan!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that,” Siri apologized as a wide-eyed Cook choked on a chunk of the XS Max.
Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans.
“We’re just going to burn the alcohol-laced vomit off like every year, that’s where the city gets its signature smell.” – Chicago Gov. J.B. Pritzker
“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.”
Dawn has sent 5,500 bottles of soap to help clean thousands of Native Americans who are now covered in oil.
‘MAGA’ is a unisex perfume boasting liquefied $100 bills as a key ingredient.
A painting by President George W. Bush shows his prediction of the future.
Doctors have voiced concerns over the ingestion of coal by minors.
“When you get a maniac like Obama. Okay. And he is, he really is. Then you end up with days like today,” Trump stated while pointing toward the only side of the room without any windows.
Californians may have unknowingly gotten a lot of small children incredibly high.