NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean

The head of NASA announced today that the organization plans to get rid of the aging International Space Station (ISS) by “purposely crashing it into the Pacific Ocean” sometime in January of 2031. NASA says that the decision was made … Continue reading NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean

Authorities launch investigation after Mitch McConnell was mailed deadly plastic bags and straws

Investigation under way after Mitch McConnell gets a plastic straw rammed up his nose

An investigation is underway after Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell was severely injured moments after opening a package that contained several plastic bags and straws. McConnell, like most turtles, tried to put the foreign objects in his mouth to gain an … Continue reading Investigation under way after Mitch McConnell gets a plastic straw rammed up his nose

Marriott announces guests can no longer steal travel-sized shampoo bottles

In a move that will reduce their plastic waste by 30%, Marriott International announced that their hotels will no longer provide single-use toiletry bottles for guests to steal. Instead, as part of a company-wide green initiative, Marriott says they will … Continue reading Marriott announces guests can no longer steal travel-sized shampoo bottles

KFC completely drops meat and changes name to Kentucky Fried Chickpeas

After a warm reception while testing out plant-based protein at an Atlanta location, KFC is completely switching over to imitation meat and changing its name to Kentucky Fried Chickpeas. The fast food restaurant cites lower costs and environmental reasons for … Continue reading KFC completely drops meat and changes name to Kentucky Fried Chickpeas

Al-Gore-to-Release-Scathing-Climate-Change-Film-Titled-Bitches-I-Fucking-Warned-You!

Al Gore to Release Scathing Climate Change Film Titled ‘Bitches, I Fucking Warned You!’

“The people alive today are the last generation of humans that’ll live on this planet as we know it. Having said that, I’d like to invite everyone to go ahead and eat a dick.” Continue reading Al Gore to Release Scathing Climate Change Film Titled ‘Bitches, I Fucking Warned You!’

Uber’s New Submarine Service ‘ScUber’ Will Let Riders Drop Trash Directly on The Great Barrier Reef

“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.” Continue reading Uber’s New Submarine Service ‘ScUber’ Will Let Riders Drop Trash Directly on The Great Barrier Reef

Tim Cook Swallows an Entire iPhone XS Max to Prove It’s Environmentally Friendly

“I’m sorry. I didn’t get that,” Siri apologized as a wide-eyed Cook choked on a chunk of the XS Max. Continue reading Tim Cook Swallows an Entire iPhone XS Max to Prove It’s Environmentally Friendly

Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans. Continue reading Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’

“I’ve been calling it ‘Global Warming,’ but that’s just a trick folks; a term I use to make snowball jokes. My God, I’m so stupid.” Continue reading Trump Admits ‘The Polar Vortex is Caused by Climate Change’

Trump Blasts Green Energy, Obama for ‘Unseasonably Dark Day’

“When you get a maniac like Obama. Okay. And he is, he really is. Then you end up with days like today,” Trump stated while pointing toward the only side of the room without any windows. Continue reading Trump Blasts Green Energy, Obama for ‘Unseasonably Dark Day’