An investigation is underway after Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell was severely injured moments after opening a package that contained several plastic bags and straws. McConnell, like most turtles, tried to put the foreign objects in […]
In a move that will reduce their plastic waste by 30%, Marriott International announced that their hotels will no longer provide single-use toiletry bottles for guests to steal. Instead, as part of a company-wide green […]
After a warm reception while testing out plant-based protein at an Atlanta location, KFC is completely switching over to imitation meat and changing its name to Kentucky Fried Chickpeas. The fast food restaurant cites lower […]
“Have they considered powering these windmills with coal?”
We can’t have Canada smelling like burnt, used condoms anymore,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated.
“The people alive today are the last generation of humans that’ll live on this planet as we know it. Having said that, I’d like to invite everyone to go ahead and eat a dick.”
“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.”