Recent reports claim that billionaire Elon Musk’s company Neuralink may have killed up to 15 test monkeys by implanting computer chips into their brains. Now, researchers and Musk are saying that the remaining monkeys are clearly plotting revenge. “Every single … Continue reading Elon Musk’s Test Monkeys That Didn’t Die From Brain Implant Clearly Plotting Revenge
Jailed business man and entertainer Joe Exotic of “Tiger King” fame is set to be executed and buried behind the jail he has been incarcerated in next week. The decision to kill him was issued by a federal judge during … Continue reading Aging Joe Exotic To Be Put Down & Buried Behind Jail To Make Room For Younger, Healthier Inmates
Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent an entire hour last night attacking the Biden family for allegedly declawing the new White House cat. The decision to focus on the topic came despite the fact that nobody at Fox had confirmed … Continue reading Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’
A swarm of 40,000 Africanized bees terrified white residents of Pasadena, California yesterday, prompting authorities to implement a stop-and-frisk policy in the city. “By simply stopping all of the African bees and forcibly removing their stingers, we will be able … Continue reading Swarm of 40,000 Africanized Bees Prompts City to Enact Stop-and-Frisk Policy
The hair-covered confection comes with a prominent choking hazard warning as the company acknowledges that the hair can get lodged in the windpipe. Continue reading Cadbury releases hair-covered chocolate bar in recognition of furry pride
“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant Continue reading Mississippi Has Been Feeding Its Unsuspecting Residents Vegan, Plant-Based Protein Since 2009
“It’s sheer chaos,” New York Governor Andrew Cuomo stated. “Our pussies have gone mad with power.” Continue reading New York’s Streets Run Red With Blood After State Bans Cat Declawing
“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.” Continue reading Uber’s New Submarine Service ‘ScUber’ Will Let Riders Drop Trash Directly on The Great Barrier Reef
Elders of the ASPCA materialized on stage. Cloaked in black hoods, they hovered and waited for Jarmon to sign their commercial contract in her own blood. Continue reading Sarah McLachlan Passes The Curse of The Arms of The Angel on to Maelyn Jarmon Live on The Voice
“We sell the meat to Taco Bell, send a bunch of parts to candy factories and use the rest to make high-end huffing glue.” Continue reading What Happens to the 19 Dead Horses After the Kentucky Derby?
“Unless Redbox starts squeezing out moist, two-year-old prosciutto with every DVD, I have no idea how they’re going to compete with this.” Continue reading Weird Tech: Watch the Life Story of Animals as You Eat Them
“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.” Continue reading US Announces ‘Whale Force’ Military Division
We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump Continue reading Lettuce Recall Helps Millions of Vegans Cut Carbon Footprint by Dying of Starvation
“We’re trying to attract more meat-eaters by selling a diverse selection of what we are pretty sure they like to eat,” Continue reading Tofurky Releases Trophy-Hunt Lion Steak, More Options
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would… Continue reading President Trump Has Strangled a Bear Cub to Death on the North Lawn
Weird Foods the Locals Eat: From Alabama to Wisconsin. Would You Try Them? #StrangeFood Continue reading Strange Foods Only Found in These States
“I absolutely loathe flu season,” stated Comcast CEO Brian L. Roberts. Continue reading Working Americans Cherish Flu Season
