“It’s sheer chaos,” New York Governor Andrew Cuomo stated. “Our pussies have gone mad with power.”
“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.”
Elders of the ASPCA materialized on stage. Cloaked in black hoods, they hovered and waited for Jarmon to sign their commercial contract in her own blood.
“We sell the meat to Taco Bell, send a bunch of parts to candy factories and use the rest to make high-end huffing glue.”
“Unless Redbox starts squeezing out moist, two-year-old prosciutto with every DVD, I have no idea how they’re going to compete with this.”
“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.”
We may never understand what a vegan is, or why fish qualifies as a meat, but we’ll never forget that if global warming is real, at least the vegans died first.” – DonaldTrump
“We’re trying to attract more meat-eaters by selling a diverse selection of what we are pretty sure they like to eat,”
This was a direct response to outcry from PETA regarding changes in Alaskan hunting regulations which would…
Weird Foods the Locals Eat: From Alabama to Wisconsin. Would You Try Them? #StrangeFood
“I absolutely loathe flu season,” stated Comcast CEO Brian L. Roberts.
Obama backtracks on promise to spare the lives of innocent turkeys named Tater and Tot – ruining a longstanding American tradition.
SeaWorld in San Antonio, Texas is refusing to properly dispose of the corpse of the recently deceased, 18-year-old orca named Unna. Instead, the park has opted to continue using the lifeless animal to continue bringing in crowds and doing shows.
With PETA in an uproar and petitions circling the Internet…