The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

In 1933, Hitler used the Reichstag Fire Decree to declare an emergency, suspend civil liberties, sideline parliament, and consolidate absolute power. Today, Trump’s Supreme Court is enabling the same authoritarian outcome: rubber-stamping his overreach, declaring him above the law, and … Continue reading The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move critics are calling “a confession in legislative form,” Donald Trump signed an executive order today lowering the federal age of consent to 10 years old. The decree retroactively changes the law beginning in 1946 … Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10

Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’

Republicans voted today to block the release of the Epstein files after years of promising to expose an enormous ring of elite pedophiles. Party leaders say it was a “timing issue.” “We would have totally voted to expose and prosecute … Continue reading Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’

Jeffrey Epstein Found Dead (Again) Outside Mausoleum After Security Lapse

The corpse of Jeffrey Epstein was found hanging from a tree outside his mausoleum in Loxahatchee, Florida tonight.  Authorities say two night watchmen skipped one of their rounds, and that’s when Epstein killed himself. Again. “What’s clear is that we … Continue reading Jeffrey Epstein Found Dead (Again) Outside Mausoleum After Security Lapse

Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a 6–3 decision along political lines, the Supreme Court ruled today that non-consensual cosmetic surgery on male infant genitals remains fully legal, “so long as it’s done before the child can talk, walk, or scream ‘No!’” … Continue reading Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons

Trump Refuses to Recall 37 Million Bananas Containing Head of FDA’s Penis DNA

President Trump is refusing to recall nearly 37 million bananas after discovering that genetically modified seeds had retained penile DNA as the result of a laboratory incident involving lewd acts between Trump’s Head of the FDA, Martin Makary, and a … Continue reading Trump Refuses to Recall 37 Million Bananas Containing Head of FDA’s Penis DNA

Trump Declares National Emergency After Biden Robot Clone Survives Stage 17 Cancer, Vows Revenge

Mar-a-Lago, FL — President Donald Trump took to Truth Social today to declare a “National Emergency of the Highest Magnitude” after learning that President Joe Biden’s robot clone had not only survived Stage 17 cancer but had also “become more … Continue reading Trump Declares National Emergency After Biden Robot Clone Survives Stage 17 Cancer, Vows Revenge

Your Boss Doesn’t Care You’re Broke: That’s the Business Model

Employers are fully aware that their workers are struggling to afford rent, food, healthcare, and basic stability. This isn’t a mystery. The reality is that: You’re not imagining it, and you’re not wrong to be angry. On top of this, … Continue reading Your Boss Doesn’t Care You’re Broke: That’s the Business Model

GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After years of pearl-clutching over pronouns and endless legislation aimed at banning “woke ideology,” Republicans have finally admitted the truth: none of it was ever about protecting “traditional values.” It was about one thing and one thing … Continue reading GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”

BREAKING: Most Men Worldwide Convert to Veganism After Study Shows Diet Increases Penis Size

Men across the globe are abandoning meat overnight after a groundbreaking Harvard University study revealed that a healthy, plant-based diet is directly linked to increased blood flow, penis size, and harder erections. The study found that 89% of men who … Continue reading BREAKING: Most Men Worldwide Convert to Veganism After Study Shows Diet Increases Penis Size

Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies

In a fiery new rant, former President Donald Trump has claimed that Pope Francis is “possessed by a demon,” following the Vatican leader’s condemnation of several Trump administration policies. The Pope, who is known for advocating for social justice, peace, … Continue reading Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies

Cardi B’s New Song “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy) Reveals WAP Was About Her Sweaty Butthole All Along

Cardi B’s latest release, “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy), has fans in stitches — and shock — as it unveils the real story behind her iconic hit “WAP.” Apparently, “WAP” wasn’t about what we thought. Instead, it was Cardi’s unfiltered take … Continue reading Cardi B’s New Song “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy) Reveals WAP Was About Her Sweaty Butthole All Along

UnitedHealth & NRA Partner with Retailers to Offer Incredible Discounts for Gun Buyers Who ‘Look Ready to Snap’

In a bold move to address escalating tensions between Americans and the healthcare industry, UnitedHealth Group has announced a groundbreaking partnership with gun retailers and the National Rifle Association (NRA). The initiative offers steep discounts on premiums and bills to gun owners, … Continue reading UnitedHealth & NRA Partner with Retailers to Offer Incredible Discounts for Gun Buyers Who ‘Look Ready to Snap’

Life Insurance Companies Drop Coverage for All Billionaires & Ultra Wealthy Due to “High Risk Choices”

In a shocking move that has sent waves through yacht clubs and boardrooms alike, life insurance companies nationwide have begun dropping billionaires and multi-millionaires from their policies, citing them as “too high risk.” The unprecedented decision comes on the heels … Continue reading Life Insurance Companies Drop Coverage for All Billionaires & Ultra Wealthy Due to “High Risk Choices”

Nintendo’s New ‘Dr. Mario vs. Big Pharma’ Lets You Drop Giant Pills Directly on Yacht-Owning Executives

REDMOND, WA—Nintendo has announced their boldest game yet: Dr. Mario vs. Big Pharma, a high-octane spinoff where everyone’s favorite mustachioed plumber-turned-physician finally takes aim at the real villains—yacht-owning healthcare executives. In this groundbreaking addition to the franchise, players will guide Mario … Continue reading Nintendo’s New ‘Dr. Mario vs. Big Pharma’ Lets You Drop Giant Pills Directly on Yacht-Owning Executives

Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’

Trump added that babies from Scandinavian countries would be automatically exempt from testing, claiming, “They have great genes—very clean, very hardworking. But we’ll be keeping a close eye on the others.” Continue reading Trump’s New Gene Testing Initiative Will Preemptively Arrest ‘Ethnic Babies’ With ‘Bad DNA’

Why We Can’t Ignore Wealth Hoarding Anymore

When the wealthiest among us keep accumulating and locking away more and more money, two things can happen: 1. If governments don’t print more money, the rest of us — especially the poor and growing populations — face a scarcity … Continue reading Why We Can’t Ignore Wealth Hoarding Anymore

I BET AT LEAST 10%-15% of the 🇺🇸 U.S. is ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL

🥂🍻🥃🍷 I BET AT LEAST 10%-15% of the 🇺🇸 U.S. is ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL 🍾🍺🍶 THERE’S AT LEAST 7 EMOJIS FOR IT 🤣😿 😈🥬💨 It’s FAR worse than the devil’s lettuce. Nobody talks about it, yet it’s everywhere—on TV, in … Continue reading I BET AT LEAST 10%-15% of the 🇺🇸 U.S. is ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL