Supreme court rules satire illegal

Supreme Court Says Satire Is Now Illegal Due To ‘Reality Moving Far Beyond Rational Thought’

In a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court ruled today that satire is now illegal in the United States, stating that it “no longer serves its original purpose due to reality moving far beyond that of rational thought.” “The use of … Continue reading Supreme Court Says Satire Is Now Illegal Due To ‘Reality Moving Far Beyond Rational Thought’

Nancy Pelosi butthole waxed haircut blowout

Backdoor Business: Nancy Pelosi Caught Getting Anus Waxed Day After Blowout

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was caught on back to back days having businesses in San Francisco illegally style and remove hair from both her head and her anus. Pelosi says that she was tricked into receiving both services … Continue reading Backdoor Business: Nancy Pelosi Caught Getting Anus Waxed Day After Blowout

Trump: ‘America Is Stockpiling Coronavirus to Use at a Later Date’

An explanation for the United States’ abysmal handling of the coronavirus has come to light after Trump stated that he has been trying to quietly build up America’s COVID-19 bioweapon stockpile ever since the virus reached the country. Specifically, the … Continue reading Trump: ‘America Is Stockpiling Coronavirus to Use at a Later Date’

“Please Stop Rubbing Your Eyeballs Together,” WHO Pleads as Coronavirus Spreads

Leaders at the World Health Organization (WHO) pleaded with people across the globe today to stop rubbing their eyeballs together. WHO says the act is the fastest and easiest way to spread the coronavirus. “It’s common practice in many parts … Continue reading “Please Stop Rubbing Your Eyeballs Together,” WHO Pleads as Coronavirus Spreads

First Family Welcomes Nagini the Presidential Python to the White House

The White House announced today that a new scaly friend – Nagini the presidential python – would now be living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. President Trump, who is openly averse to dogs, surprised the country with his pet choice. “Nagini … Continue reading First Family Welcomes Nagini the Presidential Python to the White House

Buckle the Hell Up: Democrats Prepare to Impeach Trump a Second Time (and it’s gonna take a lot longer)

After Republicans blocked witnesses and evidence in the Democrat’s first attempt at impeaching the president, Nancy Pelosi now says they will have to go ahead and impeach Donald Trump for a second time in order to tell the public the … Continue reading Buckle the Hell Up: Democrats Prepare to Impeach Trump a Second Time (and it’s gonna take a lot longer)

Devil Gives Rush Limbaugh Warm Welcome By Turning Up Heat in Hell

GoFundMe Raises Over $200,000 to Remove Malignant Rush Limbaugh From Lung Tumor

After conservative shock jock Rush Limbaugh told his radio listeners that he was diagnosed with lung cancer today, people across the globe opened their hearts and their wallets to raise money to remove Rush Limbaugh from the young lung tumor. … Continue reading GoFundMe Raises Over $200,000 to Remove Malignant Rush Limbaugh From Lung Tumor

Coronavirus: ‘Death jobs’ are coming to America, Secretary of Commerce says

Secretary of Commerce and ventriloquist dummy come-to-life Wilbur Ross publicly announced today that he prays the spread of the coronavirus will bring “death economy jobs” to America. “With the titilating prospect of the coronavirus becoming a global pandemic, citizens will … Continue reading Coronavirus: ‘Death jobs’ are coming to America, Secretary of Commerce says

CDC: An ice-cold, refreshing Corona Light could make you immune to the coronavirus

The first case of the coronavirus has hit the US and the Center for Disease Control has partnered with Corona Light to raise a glass and some awareness. The two organizations say the cure could be as simple as drinking … Continue reading CDC: An ice-cold, refreshing Corona Light could make you immune to the coronavirus

Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

Vice President Mike Pence modeled the new version of the United States Space Force uniform for photographers today after the administration was deeply criticized for using camouflage uniforms for outer space missions. “These lightweight, durable, leather harness uniforms are sleek … Continue reading Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

Space Force Bible written in Galactic Basic and blessed at National Cathedral sparks outrage

The blessing of the official Bible of the US Space Force took place today and religious groups are livid after learning the selected Bible was written in Galactic Basic; the common language found in Star Wars. The White House confirmed … Continue reading Space Force Bible written in Galactic Basic and blessed at National Cathedral sparks outrage

BREAKING: Pete Buttigieg confirms Bernie Sanders said he didn't think a bottom could win the presidency

BREAKING: Pete Buttigieg confirms Bernie Sanders said he didn’t think a bottom could win the presidency

Pete Buttigieg just confirmed multiple reports regarding a 2019 meeting between himself and Bernie Sanders in which they disagreed on whether a bottom could win the 2020 presidential election. “Among the topics that came up was could a bottom win … Continue reading BREAKING: Pete Buttigieg confirms Bernie Sanders said he didn’t think a bottom could win the presidency