The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

In 1933, Hitler used the Reichstag Fire Decree to declare an emergency, suspend civil liberties, sideline parliament, and consolidate absolute power. Today, Trump’s Supreme Court is enabling the same authoritarian outcome: rubber-stamping his overreach, declaring him above the law, and … Continue reading The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move critics are calling “a confession in legislative form,” Donald Trump signed an executive order today lowering the federal age of consent to 10 years old. The decree retroactively changes the law beginning in 1946 … Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10

Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’

Republicans voted today to block the release of the Epstein files after years of promising to expose an enormous ring of elite pedophiles. Party leaders say it was a “timing issue.” “We would have totally voted to expose and prosecute … Continue reading Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’

Oldest Known Pubic Hair Found in Antarctic Ice Believed to Be God’s

The oldest known material on Earth has been identified: a 7-billion-year-old pubic hair scientists believe may belong to God. The hair, which was found trapped in Antarctic ice, is causing many scientists to rethink their views on religion. “We thought … Continue reading Oldest Known Pubic Hair Found in Antarctic Ice Believed to Be God’s

‘Heaven’s Had It Too Good for Too Long,’ Trump Says: U.S. Slaps 100% Tariff on Heaven in Response to Deadly Texas Floods

In his first official act in response to the deadly Texas flooding, President Trump announced the first-ever tariffs to be placed on Heaven. Citing what he called a “clear breach of contract” by God, Trump blamed the death and destruction … Continue reading ‘Heaven’s Had It Too Good for Too Long,’ Trump Says: U.S. Slaps 100% Tariff on Heaven in Response to Deadly Texas Floods

IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons

Trump Supporters Burn Bibles After Finally Learning What Jesus Would Do The IRS is facing backlash from Republicans after announcing that churches may only endorse political candidates without being taxed if they can cite valid religious reasons from their holy … Continue reading IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons

Nobel Prize Committee Offers Trump Participation Trophy in Exchange for Resignation

The Norwegian Nobel Committee responsible for awarding the annual Nobel Peace Prize announced today that they are offering President Donald Trump the first ever Nobel Peace Participation Trophy, provided that he resigns immediately. The committee says the newly created category … Continue reading Nobel Prize Committee Offers Trump Participation Trophy in Exchange for Resignation

Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a 6–3 decision along political lines, the Supreme Court ruled today that non-consensual cosmetic surgery on male infant genitals remains fully legal, “so long as it’s done before the child can talk, walk, or scream ‘No!’” … Continue reading Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons

Study Finds 83% of ICE Agents Took the Job Because Raids Are the Only Time They Get to Touch Women

2 in 3 ICE Hires Came From Targeted Ads on Dating Apps for Men With Zero Matches Lynchburg, Virginia — A new study released by Liberty University reveals that over 80% of Immigration & Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents chose the … Continue reading Study Finds 83% of ICE Agents Took the Job Because Raids Are the Only Time They Get to Touch Women

Trump Launches ‘NARC Act’: Undocumented Whites Offered Citizenship for Turning in Darker Immigrants

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a controversial new initiative, President Trump has launched the NARC Act (National Asylum Reward for Caucasians), offering citizenship to undocumented white immigrants who help ICE identify and deport browner illegal immigrants. The initiative was originally named the … Continue reading Trump Launches ‘NARC Act’: Undocumented Whites Offered Citizenship for Turning in Darker Immigrants

Trump Opposes FL Bill Banning Men From Wearing Makeup, Unveils Own Cosmetics Line

In a shocking twist that left both political analysts and the LGBTQIA community stunned, President Donald Trump held a press conference today to strongly oppose Florida’s controversial HB-1776, a proposed bill that would prohibit those assigned male at birth from … Continue reading Trump Opposes FL Bill Banning Men From Wearing Makeup, Unveils Own Cosmetics Line

GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After years of pearl-clutching over pronouns and endless legislation aimed at banning “woke ideology,” Republicans have finally admitted the truth: none of it was ever about protecting “traditional values.” It was about one thing and one thing … Continue reading GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”

Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies

In a fiery new rant, former President Donald Trump has claimed that Pope Francis is “possessed by a demon,” following the Vatican leader’s condemnation of several Trump administration policies. The Pope, who is known for advocating for social justice, peace, … Continue reading Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies

BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”

President Donald Trump is set to join NFL legend Tom Brady in the broadcast booth for at least part of Super Bowl LIX, providing what he calls “the greatest, most tremendous live game analysis in history!” The surprise, last-minute announcement … Continue reading BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”

Massive Recall Issued After Drivers Report Teslas Jerking Sharply To The Reich

Continue reading Massive Recall Issued After Drivers Report Teslas Jerking Sharply To The Reich

Cardi B’s New Song “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy) Reveals WAP Was About Her Sweaty Butthole All Along

Cardi B’s latest release, “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy), has fans in stitches — and shock — as it unveils the real story behind her iconic hit “WAP.” Apparently, “WAP” wasn’t about what we thought. Instead, it was Cardi’s unfiltered take … Continue reading Cardi B’s New Song “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy) Reveals WAP Was About Her Sweaty Butthole All Along

Life Insurance Companies Drop Coverage for All Billionaires & Ultra Wealthy Due to “High Risk Choices”

In a shocking move that has sent waves through yacht clubs and boardrooms alike, life insurance companies nationwide have begun dropping billionaires and multi-millionaires from their policies, citing them as “too high risk.” The unprecedented decision comes on the heels … Continue reading Life Insurance Companies Drop Coverage for All Billionaires & Ultra Wealthy Due to “High Risk Choices”

Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’

In a stunning reversal, former President Donald Trump announced today that he was rescinding his appointment of Congressman Matt Gaetz as Attorney General, citing what he called a “small misreading of handwritten notes.” “I didn’t mean the Attorney General,” Trump clarified in … Continue reading Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’