The Vice President says he still suffers from nervous tics while around attractive men.
Upon boarding planes over the weekend, customers immediately noticed that there were no seatbelts.
“Rand Paul’s house is currently under attack and burning down,” TV personality and activist Jon Stewart stated.
“Donald J. Trump is up for Best Performance in a Comedy Series that lasts for one term or less.”
“The swirling rumors say that Melania refused to return to the White House for two weeks.”
Authorities list gunpowder, Sudafed, oregano, ammonium nitrate fertilizer, paint thinner and celery salt as some of the ingredients.
“These little green guys don’t stand a chance,” Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak stated. “Us Nevadans don’t take too kindly to… let’s say… off-white beings. Once they cross that fence they’re going to get lit up like the 4th of July!”