“The swirling rumors say that Melania refused to return to the White House for two weeks.”
Authorities list gunpowder, Sudafed, oregano, ammonium nitrate fertilizer, paint thinner and celery salt as some of the ingredients.
“These little green guys don’t stand a chance,” Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak stated. “Us Nevadans don’t take too kindly to… let’s say… off-white beings. Once they cross that fence they’re going to get lit up like the 4th of July!”
“What better way to show that the United States is a Christian nation than by celebrating Jesus’ crucifixion on America’s birthday!?” – President Donald J. Trump
Biden’s hair came from his soundproof hobby room where he keeps his personal collection of real hair, mannequins and doll parts.
“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant
“An investigation will show Melania’s knockers were implanted by the Russians to spy on our great nation.”