Donald Trump’s “big announcement” today was that he’s releasing digital trading cards starting at $99 each. He added that he holds the rarest card of all. “Think of it like baseball cards. Some are hard to find and some aren’t,” … Continue reading Rarest Trump Trading Card Is Ivanka In A Thong: There’s Only One & Trump Has Claimed It As His Own
Elon Musk lost millions of Twitter followers today after he enacted an application-wide ban on bot accounts which accidentally included a wiping-out of generic-looking bros with the same picture. The mistake came just hours after Musk tweeted “The bots are … Continue reading Elon Musk Loses 100 Million Followers After Ban On Twitter Bot Accounts Accidentally Includes Generic Bros With Same Picture
Shortly after famous signer-songwriter Elton John announced his departure from Twitter, Elon Musk said he wrote a “new, personal, and introspective version” of the musician’s hit song ‘Rocket Man’ as sung from Elon’s perspective. Here are the lyrics and accompanying … Continue reading Elon Musk Writes New Version of Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ After Iconic Musician Leaves Twitter
The very brave, former Democrat Krysten Sinema decided to admit to her colleagues today that she is, in fact, an independent. “This may come as a shock to some,” Sinema stated. “But I cannot be more honest when I say … Continue reading Party-Curious Kyrsten Sinema Switches From Democrat To Independent Just To See What People Say Before Totally Coming Out As Republican
After a brief group phone call with closest relatives, the Zelinski family of Oakridge, Illinois decided today that Grandma’s new suspicion that her Christmas tree is slowly eating popcorn garland when nobody’s looking is not concerning enough to justify spending … Continue reading ‘My Christmas Tree Eats Popcorn Garland When Nobody’s Looking’ Still Not Concerning Enough To Put Grandma In $9,000 A Month Nursing Home
Elon Musk announced today that the remaining 17 employees at Twitter have been working day and night to finish a software update that will help users to insult other people on the platform with more creativity. “It’s kind of like … Continue reading New Twitter Update Will Add An Animated Bird That Suggests Slurs & Insults To Spice Up Your Tweets
Republicans refused to cooperate with President Biden’s attempts to free WNBA star Brittney Griner from Russian prison until he agreed that she will be required to stand for 10 national anthems, say 25 pledges of allegiance, and announce that “All … Continue reading Brittney Griner Forced To Stand For 10 National Anthems, Say 25 Pledges of Allegiance & Announce That ‘All Lives Matter’ Before Every WNBA Game In Exchange For Freedom
Airplane manufacturing giant Boeing stunned travelers and the entire airline industry today when they announced a massive recall on all of their 747 Jumbo Jets. The move comes just weeks after employees came across an abandoned warehouse full of – … Continue reading Boeing Issues Massive Recall On All 747 Jumbo Jets After Finding Omitted, 748th Part In Abandoned Warehouse
Correction!!! We apologize for inaccurately reporting on this story. The mistakes have since been redacted. Here’s an update: The aforementioned stolen classified documents, proof of orchestrating January 6th, hidden tax returns, and 2020 election tampering are all scandals directly related … Continue reading BREAKING: Hunter Biden’s Laptop Has Classified Docs, Proof He Was Behind Jan 6th, Hidden Tax Records & Evidence Of Election Tampering
Do you think you can you spot the differences between the official Oath of Office and what Donald Trump said during his inauguration? For some, it’s not as easy at it may seem. Here’s the Official Oath: “I do solemnly … Continue reading Wow! Can You Spot The Subtle Differences Between The Official Oath Of Office & What Trump Recited At His Inauguration?
(Palm Beach, FL) An area man, who perfectly fits the definition of a con artist, has been embarrassing himself by repeatedly and incorrectly telling everyone he’s uncovered proof of massive fraud in the 2020 election. “For his entire career this … Continue reading Massive Fraud Incapable Of Correctly Identifying Massive Fraud
An anonymous informant from inside the FBI leaked to reporters today that authorities are still trying to learn what’s on Hunter Biden’s laptop. Apparently, the device is driving agents crazy because it plays the same song when powered on and … Continue reading Inside Source: Hunter Biden’s Defective Laptop Keeps Playing ‘Someone Like You’ – Most Likely Because It’s A Dell
A large group of angry conservatives took to social media today to announce a boycott of Petco and PetSmart after learning that both American pet retailers engage in the act of grooming. “Now they’re even going after our pets!” Fox … Continue reading Conservatives Boycott Petco & Petsmart After Learning The Stores Are A Safe Haven For Groomers
The ongoing feud between Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos took a strange and personal turn today when Bezos posted a tweet questioning Musk’s philanthropy and clearly implying that the Tesla CEO doesn’t do nearly as much as he could to … Continue reading Jeff Bezos: ‘If Elon Musk Really Cares So Much About Humanity Why Does He Keep The Secret To Hair Regrowth To Himself?’
President Trump held a surprise rally late this morning in which Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Jared Fogle all appeared on stage with him. When asked to explain why they were all there, Trump tried to skirt the issue. “Putin? … Continue reading Trump Says He Was ‘Unaware’ That Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un & Jared Fogle Would Take The Stage With Him
A study conducted by Brigham Young University has revealed that the vast majority of Fox News viewers are actually just a captivated audience of people too challenged by TV remotes to learn how to change the channel. “It appears that … Continue reading Study: 79% Of Fox News Viewers Just People Too Challenged By TV Remotes To Learn How To Change The Channel
(Milwaukee, WI) Local man James Fielder, who firmly believes that the United States is the best country on the planet, refuses to ever leave his house without bringing at least two guns with him. “I carry these weapons in public … Continue reading Man Who Says US Is Greatest Country On Earth Can’t Step Out Front Door Without Being Armed For Combat
