Former richest man in the world Elon Musk was overtaken today by Reddit user dildo_swaggins69 after the amateur investor managed to turn investments in Gamestop, AMC, and Dogecoin into more than $277 billion over the course of a week. When reached for comment on how it felt to become the richest person in the world so quickly, the anonymous dildo-swaggins69 stated, “Together apes strong 🦍. Buy and hold r*****s. To the fucking moooon! 🚀🚀🚀 Let’s go0o0oo!” Notably, several other Reddit users, including OwenWilsonsNose, Intradouching_Myself, JustThepenisTip, and BreadPitt have also become billionaires overnight.
Members of the white nationalist, neo-fascist, far-right political organization the Proud Boys say they feel “shocked and betrayed” after finding out that their non-white leader Enrique Tarrio is likely to be a an FBI informant and that he might have been working against them. What do you think? Photo Credit Mohammed Berrada
President Joe Biden signed an executive order today freeing up funding to build a massive moving walkway that will carry immigrants across the Mexico-United States border and into McAllen, Texas. Construction on the 112.7 mile long, $4.8 billion walkway will begin next month. “Often times caravans of people have walked hundreds or even thousands of miles just to enter the United States,” Biden stated. “By building this oversized people-mover, we’ll be helping immigrants to take those last few steps to freedom. In fact, now they’re going to just glide right in!” Notably, to save on construction costs, a large portion of the moving walkway will be made out of materials from the border wall, which Biden has slated to be completely dismantled by the end of the year. “It’s time we started building bridges instead of barriers and walkways instead of walls,” Biden stated. “And that’s why every single person who enters the country on this oversized conveyor belt will be granted full citizenship.” According to engineers working on the project, once completed the new moving walkway will be capable of carrying more than 1,800 immigrants per hour directly into McAllen, Texas.
Having already claimed that school shootings like Sandy Hook and Parkland we’re false flag operations and that 9/11 was an inside job, Georgia Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene stated in a press conference today that “not only is Bigfoot real, but he’s an alien that came to earth because he was attracted by chemtrails.” “On any given day you can look up in the sky and see chemtrails shooting out the backs of airplanes. There’s no other scientific explanation for them. And it’s these very chemicals that attracted Bigfoot to our planet in the first place.” a wide-eyed Green stated. “On top of this, there have been more than 2,300 Bigfoot sightings in Washington state alone. Let that sink in.” Greene added that she’s “confident Bigfoot is blurry in real life,” stating that “all you have to do is look at the mountains of photographic evidence and you’ll see that every single photo is fuzzy or unclear.” As of press time Republicans in Congress had released a brief statement which read: “Although many of Marjorie Taylor Greene’s stances are out of the norm, she would have to say or do something far worse in order to be considered unfit for office – such as receiving oral sex from an intern.”