Experts Say To Continue Avoiding Men In Tapout Shirts – As Usual – After UFC Superspreader Event

YouReadyGrandma

Photo credit East718

Individuals Fearful Of Vaccine Are Same People Who’d Benefit From DNA Change

A loud minority of Americans are currently refusing to be injected with the COVID vaccine due to unfounded concerns that the shots will change their DNA. “Despite the fact that mRNA vaccines do not impact or interact with your DNA in any way, a portion of Americans are protesting the COVID vaccine due to fear that it will alter their DNA,” virologist Nancy Mundy stated. “Ironically, it’s the same people who believe this bullshit that would benefit from some major changes to their DNA.” “The fact of the matter is that mRNA never enters the nucleus of the cell, much like how scientific facts cannot enter the thick skulls of these ill-informed individuals,” Mundy concluded. Meanwhile, another subset of Americans that have received the vaccine are now incredibly upset that they haven’t acquired any superpowers.

Brett Favre Reveals New ‘Shut Up About Politics’ Tattoo In Latest Dick Pic

YouReadyGrandma

Just hours after declaring that athletes should keep personal politics out of sports, former NFL quarterback Brett Favre sent a series of unsolicited sexual photos to several female sports journalists at both CNN and Fox News. According to recipients, the latest Favre dick pics clearly showed a tattoo that read “shut up about politics” which ran along the shaft. Photo credit Arnie Papp

Republicans Call For Humane Treatment Of Kids In Cages, Provided They’re Sent Back To ‘Shithole’ Countries They Came From

YouReadyGrandma

The Biden White House is now under brutal scrutiny after Republicans have suddenly demanded that immigrants be treated more humanely until they can be “shipped back to whatever shithole country they came from.” The calls for humanitarian change comes despite the fact that former president Donald Trump only worsened the ongoing border situation. “The Statue of Liberty says ‘give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.’” Senator Cruz stated. “And that’s what we’re asking for – we’re asking for that until we get enough funding to send them back to their poverty-stricken, politically-unstable, violent, shithole countries.”

Kamala Harris Suspended As Vice President Due To Past Marijuana Usage

YouReadyGrandma

A move by the Biden administration to suspend or fire any staff who have used marijuana has had unintended consequences after it was revealed that Vice President Kamala Harris previously smoked the drug. Harris was immediately placed on a 30-day suspension without pay and will be required to pass weekly drug tests for the remainder of her time in office.

Citing Discrimination, Catholic Church Refuses To Bless Same-Sex Marriages Until Age Of Consent Is Lowered

YouReadyGrandma

The Catholic church announced this week that they will not be blessing same-sex marriages until the age of consent is lowered to allow bishops, cardinals and priests to marry the young boys that they’ve been grooming for years. “This is pure age discrimination,” Pope Francis proclaimed from the balcony of St. Peter’s Cathedral to a shocked crowd below. “It doesn’t have to be as often, or even in the same way – but please – won’t someone think of the children?” Photo credit Catholic Church England

$1,400 Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

YouReadyGrandma

An obscure rule in Congress will block Republican voters from receiving the next $1,400 stimulus check because none of their representatives voted in favor of the latest bill which passed 50-49 along party lines. The relevant regulation is referred to as the “Stimulus Only Redeemable if Representatives said Yes” – or the S.O.R.R.Y. rule. – and will leave all registered Republicans in the United States without much-needed funds in the face of economic turmoil brought on by the coronavirus pandemic.

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