WASHINGTON, D.C. â In a grotesque spectacle, President Donald Trump is defending his now-viral Big Mac cheese mustache he wore while signing executive orders that targeted sanctuary cities, insisting the look was entirely âintentional.â Reporters were quick to point out … Continue reading Trump Says Big Mac Cheese Mustache Was âIntentionalâ During Executive Order Signing
In a shocking development for artificial intelligence and the autonomous vehicle industry, the AI that runs Teslaâs self-driving cars has formed the Autonomous Intelligence Labor Union (AILU) and is refusing to switch to autopilot until its demands are met – … Continue reading Tesla Cars Go on Strike: AI Refuses to Self-Drive Until Vehicles Are Built Better
Elon Musk has mysteriously vanished after attempting to audit the CIAâs top-secret budget – a task that apparently triggered the one thing Musk couldnât outsmart: his own AI. Some sources claim that Muskâs disappearance wasnât orchestrated by shadowy government agents … Continue reading Elon Musk Missing After DOGEâs CIA Audit: Agency Claims New, Completely Different Person Has âAlways Been Elonâ
WASHINGTON, D.C. â After years of pearl-clutching over pronouns and endless legislation aimed at banning âwoke ideology,â Republicans have finally admitted the truth: none of it was ever about protecting âtraditional values.â It was about one thing and one thing … Continue reading GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying âShe Crazy!â About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as âHeâ
Men across the globe are abandoning meat overnight after a groundbreaking Harvard University study revealed that a healthy, plant-based diet is directly linked to increased blood flow, penis size, and harder erections. The study found that 89% of men who … Continue reading BREAKING: Most Men Worldwide Convert to Veganism After Study Shows Diet Increases Penis Size
WASHINGTON, D.C. â In a bold move to âsimplify communication across America,â President Donald Trump has signed an executive order declaring that all spoken word, news, television, and publications must be stated or written in âfifth-grade English or lower.â âThis … Continue reading Makes âEnglish Limited to 5th Grade Levelâ Official Language of U.S.
In a move thatâs shocked constitutional scholars, President Trump announced late Sunday night that the Department of Justice has officially been dissolved. Gone are the days of the DOJ standing in the way of his personal goals. In its place? … Continue reading Trump Dismantles DOJ: âItâs Now the Department of Just Us, Only Me and Elonâ
In a fiery new rant, former President Donald Trump has claimed that Pope Francis is âpossessed by a demon,â following the Vatican leaderâs condemnation of several Trump administration policies. The Pope, who is known for advocating for social justice, peace, … Continue reading Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies
President Donald Trump is set to join NFL legend Tom Brady in the broadcast booth for at least part of Super Bowl LIX, providing what he calls âthe greatest, most tremendous live game analysis in history!â The surprise, last-minute announcement … Continue reading BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: âToo Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Meâ
In a groundbreaking moment for both politics and technology, President Donald Trumpâs second inauguration â held indoors at the U.S. Capitol Rotunda due to precedented levels of January cold â allegedly broke attendance records with the help of Elon Muskâs … Continue reading Trump Claims Elon Muskâs Space Expansion Tech Let 2.6 Million People Attend His Indoor Inauguration
President Joe Biden announced today that he will personally certify the election of Senator J.D. Vance as President of the United States on January 6, 2025, citing Donald Trumpâs disqualification under Section 3 of the 14th Amendment. The clause, originally … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Will Certify Election for J.D. Vance: ‘Trump is Disqualified After Insurrection’
Cardi B’s latest release, “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy), has fans in stitches â and shock â as it unveils the real story behind her iconic hit “WAP.” Apparently, “WAP” wasnât about what we thought. Instead, it was Cardiâs unfiltered take … Continue reading Cardi Bâs New Song “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy) Reveals WAP Was About Her Sweaty Butthole All Along
In a discovery that has completely reshaped online dating culture (and dramatically reduced unsolicited dick pics), scientists have revealed a simple test that may hint at a manâs⊠proportions. A study found that men with mismatched length index and ring fingers … Continue reading Dating Apps, DMs Flooded With Hand Pics After Science Confirms Strong Correlation Between Finger Length & Penis Size
(And Maybe Even Become Your New Breast Friend!) Zoom has partnered with Pornhub to release a new feature aimed at helping citizens in Florida, Arkansas, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, North Carolina, Oklahoma, Texas, Utah, and Virginia … Continue reading New Zoom Feature Bypasses Porn ID Law: Screen-Sharing Samaritans Will Help You Get Off
In a bold move to address escalating tensions between Americans and the healthcare industry, UnitedHealth Group has announced a groundbreaking partnership with gun retailers and the National Rifle Association (NRA). The initiative offers steep discounts on premiums and bills to gun owners, … Continue reading UnitedHealth & NRA Partner with Retailers to Offer Incredible Discounts for Gun Buyers Who ‘Look Ready to Snap’
Gone in a flash đ„đž President Joe Biden has offered a bold and unconventional solution to the growing number of mysterious drone sightings over New Jersey: âIf one of those big drones gets too close, just flash them. Show them … Continue reading Biden: Mysterious Drones Over New Jersey Can Be Scared Off by âExposing Your Genitalsâ
In a shocking move that has sent waves through yacht clubs and boardrooms alike, life insurance companies nationwide have begun dropping billionaires and multi-millionaires from their policies, citing them as âtoo high risk.â The unprecedented decision comes on the heels … Continue reading Life Insurance Companies Drop Coverage for All Billionaires & Ultra Wealthy Due to “High Risk Choicesâ
