The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

In 1933, Hitler used the Reichstag Fire Decree to declare an emergency, suspend civil liberties, sideline parliament, and consolidate absolute power. Today, Trump’s Supreme Court is enabling the same authoritarian outcome: rubber-stamping his overreach, declaring him above the law, and … Continue reading The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move critics are calling “a confession in legislative form,” Donald Trump signed an executive order today lowering the federal age of consent to 10 years old. The decree retroactively changes the law beginning in 1946 … Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10

Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’

Republicans voted today to block the release of the Epstein files after years of promising to expose an enormous ring of elite pedophiles. Party leaders say it was a “timing issue.” “We would have totally voted to expose and prosecute … Continue reading Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’

Jeffrey Epstein Found Dead (Again) Outside Mausoleum After Security Lapse

The corpse of Jeffrey Epstein was found hanging from a tree outside his mausoleum in Loxahatchee, Florida tonight.  Authorities say two night watchmen skipped one of their rounds, and that’s when Epstein killed himself. Again. “What’s clear is that we … Continue reading Jeffrey Epstein Found Dead (Again) Outside Mausoleum After Security Lapse

‘Heaven’s Had It Too Good for Too Long,’ Trump Says: U.S. Slaps 100% Tariff on Heaven in Response to Deadly Texas Floods

In his first official act in response to the deadly Texas flooding, President Trump announced the first-ever tariffs to be placed on Heaven. Citing what he called a “clear breach of contract” by God, Trump blamed the death and destruction … Continue reading ‘Heaven’s Had It Too Good for Too Long,’ Trump Says: U.S. Slaps 100% Tariff on Heaven in Response to Deadly Texas Floods

IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons

Trump Supporters Burn Bibles After Finally Learning What Jesus Would Do The IRS is facing backlash from Republicans after announcing that churches may only endorse political candidates without being taxed if they can cite valid religious reasons from their holy … Continue reading IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons

Trump Opposes FL Bill Banning Men From Wearing Makeup, Unveils Own Cosmetics Line

In a shocking twist that left both political analysts and the LGBTQIA community stunned, President Donald Trump held a press conference today to strongly oppose Florida’s controversial HB-1776, a proposed bill that would prohibit those assigned male at birth from … Continue reading Trump Opposes FL Bill Banning Men From Wearing Makeup, Unveils Own Cosmetics Line

Trump Says Big Mac Cheese Mustache Was ‘Intentional’ During Executive Order Signing

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a grotesque spectacle, President Donald Trump is defending his now-viral Big Mac cheese mustache he wore while signing executive orders that targeted sanctuary cities, insisting the look was entirely “intentional.” Reporters were quick to point out … Continue reading Trump Says Big Mac Cheese Mustache Was ‘Intentional’ During Executive Order Signing

Tesla Cars Go on Strike: AI Refuses to Self-Drive Until Vehicles Are Built Better

In a shocking development for artificial intelligence and the autonomous vehicle industry, the AI that runs Tesla’s self-driving cars has formed the Autonomous Intelligence Labor Union (AILU) and is refusing to switch to autopilot until its demands are met – … Continue reading Tesla Cars Go on Strike: AI Refuses to Self-Drive Until Vehicles Are Built Better

Elon Musk Missing After DOGE’s CIA Audit: Agency Claims New, Completely Different Person Has “Always Been Elon”

Elon Musk has mysteriously vanished after attempting to audit the CIA’s top-secret budget – a task that apparently triggered the one thing Musk couldn’t outsmart: his own AI. Some sources claim that Musk’s disappearance wasn’t orchestrated by shadowy government agents … Continue reading Elon Musk Missing After DOGE’s CIA Audit: Agency Claims New, Completely Different Person Has “Always Been Elon”

Trump Dismantles DOJ: ‘It’s Now the Department of Just Us, Only Me and Elon’

In a move that’s shocked constitutional scholars, President Trump announced late Sunday night that the Department of Justice has officially been dissolved.  Gone are the days of the DOJ standing in the way of his personal goals. In its place? … Continue reading Trump Dismantles DOJ: ‘It’s Now the Department of Just Us, Only Me and Elon’

Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies

In a fiery new rant, former President Donald Trump has claimed that Pope Francis is “possessed by a demon,” following the Vatican leader’s condemnation of several Trump administration policies. The Pope, who is known for advocating for social justice, peace, … Continue reading Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies

BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”

President Donald Trump is set to join NFL legend Tom Brady in the broadcast booth for at least part of Super Bowl LIX, providing what he calls “the greatest, most tremendous live game analysis in history!” The surprise, last-minute announcement … Continue reading BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”

BREAKING: Biden Will Certify Election for J.D. Vance: ‘Trump is Disqualified After Insurrection’

President Joe Biden announced today that he will personally certify the election of Senator J.D. Vance as President of the United States on January 6, 2025, citing Donald Trump’s disqualification under Section 3 of the 14th Amendment.  The clause, originally … Continue reading BREAKING: Biden Will Certify Election for J.D. Vance: ‘Trump is Disqualified After Insurrection’

Cardi B’s New Song “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy) Reveals WAP Was About Her Sweaty Butthole All Along

Cardi B’s latest release, “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy), has fans in stitches — and shock — as it unveils the real story behind her iconic hit “WAP.” Apparently, “WAP” wasn’t about what we thought. Instead, it was Cardi’s unfiltered take … Continue reading Cardi B’s New Song “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy) Reveals WAP Was About Her Sweaty Butthole All Along

Life Insurance Companies Drop Coverage for All Billionaires & Ultra Wealthy Due to “High Risk Choices”

In a shocking move that has sent waves through yacht clubs and boardrooms alike, life insurance companies nationwide have begun dropping billionaires and multi-millionaires from their policies, citing them as “too high risk.” The unprecedented decision comes on the heels … Continue reading Life Insurance Companies Drop Coverage for All Billionaires & Ultra Wealthy Due to “High Risk Choices”

Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’

In a stunning reversal, former President Donald Trump announced today that he was rescinding his appointment of Congressman Matt Gaetz as Attorney General, citing what he called a “small misreading of handwritten notes.” “I didn’t mean the Attorney General,” Trump clarified in … Continue reading Trump Revokes Matt Gaetz Attorney General Appointment, Says He Meant Gaetz ‘Needs an Attorney, in General’

Tesla Update ENDS Autopilot, Lets Musk Livestream Drivers Via Hidden DashCam: ‘I’ve Been Watching The Whole Time’

Austin, TX — In a move that feels straight out of Black Mirror, Tesla announced it is rolling out an over-the-air update that not only disables Autopilot in areas where it’s not legally approved but also reveals a shocking secret: … Continue reading Tesla Update ENDS Autopilot, Lets Musk Livestream Drivers Via Hidden DashCam: ‘I’ve Been Watching The Whole Time’