Ted Cruz fights bill banning members of Congress from watching porn at work

The bill was expected to pass unanimously, but has turned into an inexplicable, one-man filibuster by Ted Cruz.

Advertisements

Somewhat vigilant Americans order last round of breadsticks before boycotting Olive Garden

YouReadyGrandma

After learning that Olive Garden’s parent company donates to the Trump campaign, liberals everywhere are asking for one last tinfoil bag of over-salted, buttery goodness before never setting foot in the glorified salad bar again. As of press time, boycotters had already begun purchasing TV dinners as a less expensive, higher quality alternative to the restaurant’s entrees.

Officials warn liberals that a 2nd active Koch Brother is still at large

YouReadyGrandma

Those on the left are being told to stay indoors after public officials warned of a second active Koch brother. “Although one threat has been neutralized, there’s still another bad man reeking havoc on the country,” Joe Biden stated. The second brother has been identified as Charles G. Koch and is considered by authorities to be armed and cantankerous. “We could pass laws to protect ourselves from people like the Koch brothers, but that would require effort. So we’ll just wait for that old bastard to die,” a 76 year old Joe Biden stated. Artwork by DonkeyHotey

Republicans Blame Parkinson’s For Racial Gerrymandering After Ban By Supreme Court

YouReadyGrandma

Deliberately drawing zigzagging lines around all the white people will no longer be an option.

Sarah Sanders: “Memorial Day is a Republican Holiday”

YouReadyGrandma

“Patriotism, the military, and war are all inherently republican. We own them,” Sanders stated.

Eric Trump is Currently Locked in a Room That’s Being Pumped Full of Pollution

YouReadyGrandma

Mr. Cox has locked Eric Trump in the White House’s cold storage room next to the bowling alley in an attempt to show that air pollution does not harm humans.

Oblivious Mike Pence Wears Furry Tail to CPAC

YouReadyGrandma

An attempt to clue the Vice President in using his teleprompter backfired; resulting in Pence aggressively shouting “There’s a tail sticking out of your ass” in the middle of an impassioned speech on moral decay in America.

%d bloggers like this: