Trade War End in Sight: China is growing test tube copies of the US to trade with instead

YouReadyGrandma

As of this week China has stolen enough US secrets, technology and data to begin growing its own United States.

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President Trump says he’ll exchange Puerto Rico for Greenland

After being reminded countless times that Puerto Rico is a part of the United States, president Trump has decided to trade the island for Greenland. “Puerto Rico can’t get their act together,” Trump stated. “So we’re going to swap it out for a nice, white, rich and pristine island. It has ‘green’ in the name, but it’s covered in ice. How about that folks!? Greenland, which is an autonomous country of the Kingdom of Denmark, says Trump can go ahead and fuck himself.

Congress Passes Gun Control Law Limiting Mass Shootings to 37 Per Year

YouReadyGrandma

The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year.

Trump Ends Capitalism in The United States

YouReadyGrandma

Maybe I give some intellectual property to China and maybe in return they build me a wall on the border using those Nike worker children. Can we do this? I don’t know folks, but we’re going to try.”

US Dept. Of Health: ‘Never Stick Anything Larger than a Grapefruit Up Your Butt’

YouReadyGrandma

“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated.

Glenn Beck Converts to Islam, Burns Down Notre Dame Cathedral

YouReadyGrandma

“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.”

Breaking: Extremism Ban Passes US House & Senate

YouReadyGrandma

“If you’re banned you’ll be relocated to a garbage island off the coast of New Jersey.” – Nancy Pelosi