Maybe I give some intellectual property to China and maybe in return they build me a wall on the border using those Nike worker children. Can we do this? I don’t know folks, but we’re going to try.”
“Remember, we’re only talking about girth. So if you wanted to tape 7 oversized grapefruits together and play hide the citrus in your [expletive], you could absolutely do that.” Secretary Alex Azar stated.
“You won’t hear about this, but I burned down the Notre Dame Cathedral,” Beck confirmed live on Fox & Friends. “This was France’s 9/11 and if I weren’t there to see it firsthand, you’d never know it was me: Glenn Beck, a casual, disposable, everyday Islamic terrorist.”
“If you’re banned you’ll be relocated to a garbage island off the coast of New Jersey.” – Nancy Pelosi
“Crazy Bernie wants people working 40+ hours a week to be able to pay bills, not rely on our perfectly good government programs that the middle class funds. That’s crazy Bernie for ya. So Un-American folks!” – Trump
“I’d be fine if Americans just recited half of the Pledge of Allegiance and then carried on with school or whatever.” – Trump
Presidential Alerts cannot be turned off on mobile phones.
“The first idea that it runs into is the decision that we go with.” – Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Ross
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference.
‘MAGA’ is a unisex perfume boasting liquefied $100 bills as a key ingredient.
Tyson offered a confusingly graphic, yet scientific explanation.
Samsung Soft: Televisions You Can Beat the Living **** Out Of.
Female researches have remained cold and distant, uninterested in helping to solve this growing problem.
“This will allow every single employee to move up the ladder and manage their own McDonald’s.”
The North Korean leader then flipped open a glass-encased red button, pressed it, and was immediately torn apart – along with the rest of his country – by a faulty nuclear missile.
Trump tweeted and gave approval for the TSA to ban all passengers from flying if they dress like the suspect who is now in detainment.
The former President reported that it was “very easy” to find most of the guns.
Obama backtracks on promise to spare the lives of innocent turkeys named Tater and Tot – ruining a longstanding American tradition.
“Obviously black people love sports, and that’s why their babies are born during the basketball season, and football, and for those Kenyan blacks – the spring track season,” said Palin.
With a strong, seasonal depression quickly approaching, many Americans are considering staying home for the 4th of July weekend. Indeed, most experts agree that due to the severity of the looming depression – staying home, locking the doors, and hunkering down might be the wisest decision. “For me, it looks like the depression will be […]
***BREAKING*** (Washington D.C.) The Republican National Committee is openly taking responsibility for the death of front runner presidential candidate Donald Trump. Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately spoke out about the decision to kill the candidate. “We feel a loss. There’s no doubt about it,” stated Ryan. “We have hundreds of thousands – millions […]
(New York, NY) It appears that the wife-bashing has returned to the Republican campaign for presidency with Donald Trump and Ted Cruz shooting a barrage of horrific insults back and forth. It all started with another tweet from Trump…
Everything began when delivery driver Jessica Sturns noticed that something was awry when she saw the additional comment on the delivery instructions which read:
“As a 77-year-old grandmother, I have seen a lot in my life…”
To help you make a sound decision, we’ve created this easy-to-follow article. Read on to learn more about this epic showdown between The Donald and Ben Carson:
Barack Obama, who is by all means a “Lame Duck” president, used the recent school shooting to defend gun owners. This was a surprising move by the leader of the Free World as he decided to use tragedy in order to get everyday Americans to, as he stated, “think for…
“On Thursday Pastor Laurie’s utterances were fulfilled by the overreaching hands of the United States Government. It wasn’t Obama taking our guns, it wasn’t Sharia Law taking over OUR country, and it wasn’t another government program to help the poor or sick… it was…”
Target has announced that it is going to remove boy and girl labels from various aisles and items – including the toy section of its stores. The move, which will make at least all toys (and bedding) non-gender labeled, has caused an uproar in the United States.
The 43rd President even took time to take several photos with other U.S. citizens who had been summoned.
Those who met Bush said that he was very lively and animated.
With a shocking amount of Republican support, a new law has finally been passed to address gun violence in America. The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year. Despite receiving close to […]