Supreme Court Says Web Designer Refusing To Serve LGBTQ+ Must Display “No Gays!” Sign In Window

The United States Supreme Court ruled today that Colorado web designer Lorie Smith, who is refusing to serve gay customers, must put a sign in her store window that reads “No Gays” or “Heterosexuals Only” if she wants to retain … Continue reading Supreme Court Says Web Designer Refusing To Serve LGBTQ+ Must Display “No Gays!” Sign In Window

Experts Say Letting U.S. Be Engulfed In Flames Would End COVID Across Country

Climate and infectious disease experts released a study today saying that in order to completely eradicate COVID-19 from the country that the government could simply burn all 2.27 billion acres of land that makes up the United States of America. Scientists … Continue reading Experts Say Letting U.S. Be Engulfed In Flames Would End COVID Across Country

Study: Nation's Wealthy 'Very Close' To Liking America Enough To Pay Taxes

Study: Wealthiest Americans ‘Extremely Close’ To Liking Country Enough To Pay Taxes

A study released by Harvard University today revealed that of the top 100 wealthiest Americans, nearly 90% claimed that they were either “close” or “very close” to liking the United States enough to start paying taxes. “As our wealth swells, … Continue reading Study: Wealthiest Americans ‘Extremely Close’ To Liking Country Enough To Pay Taxes

Biden Administration Building Massive Moving Walkway From Mexico To US

Biden Administration Building Massive Moving Walkway To Carry Immigrants Directly Into US

President Joe Biden signed an executive order today freeing up funding to build a massive moving walkway that will carry immigrants across the Mexico-United States border and into McAllen, Texas. Construction on the 112.7 mile long, $4.8 billion walkway will … Continue reading Biden Administration Building Massive Moving Walkway To Carry Immigrants Directly Into US

White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany shocked the press today when she accidentally acknowledged that science does in fact exist, but that it shouldn’t impact the decisions the nation makes during the pandemic. “A little thing called ‘science’ should not … Continue reading White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

Supreme Court Ruling Pushes Nation Dangerously Close to Becoming a Real Democracy

The United States Supreme Court ruled this morning that states can now punish Electoral College members that don’t vote for the candidate who wins statewide presidential balloting. The news comes after the young country just celebrated its 244th year as … Continue reading Supreme Court Ruling Pushes Nation Dangerously Close to Becoming a Real Democracy

Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

Vice President Mike Pence modeled the new version of the United States Space Force uniform for photographers today after the administration was deeply criticized for using camouflage uniforms for outer space missions. “These lightweight, durable, leather harness uniforms are sleek … Continue reading Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

President Trump says he’ll exchange Puerto Rico for Greenland

After being reminded countless times that Puerto Rico is a part of the United States, president Trump has decided to trade the island for Greenland. “Puerto Rico can’t get their act together,” Trump stated. “So we’re going to swap it … Continue reading President Trump says he’ll exchange Puerto Rico for Greenland

Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day

“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.” Continue reading Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day