Conservatives Boycott Petco & Petsmart After Learning The Stores Are A Safe Haven For Groomers

A large group of angry conservatives took to social media today to announce a boycott of Petco and PetSmart after learning that both American pet retailers engage in the act of grooming. “Now they’re even going after our pets!” Fox … Continue reading Conservatives Boycott Petco & Petsmart After Learning The Stores Are A Safe Haven For Groomers

Republicans Push For ‘Mass Shooting Condolence Cards’ Section In Every Walmart

Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell told reporters early this morning that Republicans in Congress plan to introduce a bill that would require all Walmart locations to have a mass shooting condolence card section within the store. “It’s the least we can … Continue reading Republicans Push For ‘Mass Shooting Condolence Cards’ Section In Every Walmart

GOP Livid, Going Through Withdrawals After 621 Pounds Of Fentanyl Seized At Border

Over 600 pounds of deadly fentanyl was seized at the southern border last month, leaving many Republican leaders sick and angry as their dealers experienced severe supply chain issues. Members of the party were so deeply impacted and disoriented by … Continue reading GOP Livid, Going Through Withdrawals After 621 Pounds Of Fentanyl Seized At Border

Republicans Tricked Into Supporting Gun Control After Democrats Start Calling Mass Shootings ‘Post-Birth Abortions’

After offering no real solutions for mass shootings in America for decades, Republicans have now been tricked into supporting gun control laws after Democrats began calling mass shootings “post-birth abortions” yesterday. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi gave a brief … Continue reading Republicans Tricked Into Supporting Gun Control After Democrats Start Calling Mass Shootings ‘Post-Birth Abortions’

Study: Republicans Think Kids Being Aware Of ‘Straight’ Couples Is Fine, But Mentioning Gay People Is ‘Too Sexual’

A recent study by Harvard University shows that Republicans in the US strongly believe that mentioning the existence of any LGBTQ+ people to kids is inherently sexual and therefore inappropriate for them to hear about. The study comes at a … Continue reading Study: Republicans Think Kids Being Aware Of ‘Straight’ Couples Is Fine, But Mentioning Gay People Is ‘Too Sexual’

Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union

Most Republicans in Congress have decided against attending today’s State of the Union. The decision came after they realized that – due to the Russian ruble’s drop in value – they’re suddenly broke and unable to buy new clothes for … Continue reading Due To Ruble Crash, Republicans Who Can’t Afford New Outfits Won’t Attend State Of The Union

Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill

After admitting that he purposely collapsed an entire bridge in Pennsylvania injuring 10 people, President Joe Biden told a stunned crowd today that he’ll “fucking do it again” until the Republicans stop trying to take credit for Democrats passing the … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill

Ventilators Removed From Patients & Burned As Republicans Declare Pandemic Over

Several Republican members of Congress declared today that the Covid pandemic – which has caused nearly 800,000 deaths in the United States – is now over. As the news spread throughout the country, countless right wing hospital workers started removing … Continue reading Ventilators Removed From Patients & Burned As Republicans Declare Pandemic Over

Ted Cruz Missing After Zodiac Killer Cypher Decoded

Republicans Continue To Expertly Troll Democrats By Purposely Being Wrong About Everything

A leaked memo from the office of Senator Ted Cruz has revealed that the Republican Party leaders don’t actually believe in much of what they say or do. When reached for comment, Cruz had some shocking things to say. “Let … Continue reading Republicans Continue To Expertly Troll Democrats By Purposely Being Wrong About Everything

Texans Leave Hundreds Of Unwanted Babies On Governor Abbott’s Front Porch

Texas Governor Greg Abbott recently signed a bill into law that prevents abortions after the sixth week of pregnancy – much sooner than most women even know that they are pregnant. That law went into effect today. Under the law, … Continue reading Texans Leave Hundreds Of Unwanted Babies On Governor Abbott’s Front Porch

Unruly Conservatives Will Get Tased Mercilessly & Without Warning On Spirit Airlines

Unruly Conservatives Will Be Tased ‘Mercilessly & Without Warning’ On Spirit Airlines

Reports of an extreme uptick in unruly behavior by conservative passengers has prompted Spirit Airlines to announce that they are now supplying crew members with tasers. “In an average year, there are around 100 to 150 cases of bad passenger … Continue reading Unruly Conservatives Will Be Tased ‘Mercilessly & Without Warning’ On Spirit Airlines

53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits

A poll released today revealed that 53% of Republicans firmly believe that Donald Trump is currently the real president of the United States. What’s more, another 63% say he should still run again in 2024. But if Trump were truly … Continue reading 53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits

Just one more and then ill stop sweaty matt gaetz whispers before sending venmo payment

‘Just One More & Then I’ll Stop’ Sweaty Matt Gaetz Whispers To Himself Before Pressing Pay On Venmo

After realizing that his Republican colleagues were not going to do anything to stop him, a nervous Matt Gaetz worked up the courage today to send a $900 Venmo payment to his longtime friend and fellow alleged sexual predator Joel … Continue reading ‘Just One More & Then I’ll Stop’ Sweaty Matt Gaetz Whispers To Himself Before Pressing Pay On Venmo

Liz Cheney reminds public shes still a horrible person

Uncomfortable With Liberal Support, Liz Cheney Reassures Public She’s ‘Still A Horrible, Horrible Person’

Liz Cheney has been taking heat from fellow Republicans ever since she tweeted yesterday that “The 2020 presidential election was not stolen,” and that “Anyone who claims it was is spreading THE BIG LIE, turning their back on the rule … Continue reading Uncomfortable With Liberal Support, Liz Cheney Reassures Public She’s ‘Still A Horrible, Horrible Person’

Kevin McCarthy Asks Journalists To Write Party Affiliation as Q-Calif

Kevin McCarthy Announces Republican Party Has Officially Changed Its Name To ‘QAnon’

While talking to reporters outside of the United States Capitol today, House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy told journalists that he would appreciate it if they would refer to members of the Republican party as ‘QAnon’ from here on out. “As … Continue reading Kevin McCarthy Announces Republican Party Has Officially Changed Its Name To ‘QAnon’

Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

$1,400 Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

An obscure rule in Congress will block Republican voters from receiving the next $1,400 stimulus check because none of their representatives voted in favor of the latest bill which passed 50-49 along party lines. The relevant regulation is referred to … Continue reading $1,400 Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

Republicans to say 10 pledge of allegiances and sing 3 national anthems before every meeting

House Republicans To Recite 10 Pledge Of Allegiances & Sing 3 National Anthems Before Every Meeting

House Republicans have agreed to a proposal by representative Matt Gaetz’s (R-FL) requiring that every committee meeting start by singing the National Anthem 3 times and then reciting the Pledge of Allegiance 10 times in a row. The move comes … Continue reading House Republicans To Recite 10 Pledge Of Allegiances & Sing 3 National Anthems Before Every Meeting