53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits

A poll released today revealed that 53% of Republicans firmly believe that Donald Trump is currently the real president of the United States. What’s more, another 63% say he should still run again in 2024. But if Trump were truly … Continue reading 53% Of Republicans Think Trump Is Legally The Current President; If True He Won’t Be Able To Run In 2024 Due To Term Limits

Trump Carrier Pigeons Twitter Ban

Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons

Hundreds of pigeons bearing handwritten messages from Donald Trump were released from the White House today after Trump was banned from Twitter and nearly every other social media site. The president – who was annoyed by the birds flying around … Continue reading Trump Frantically Ties Hundreds of Handwritten ‘Tweets’ to Pigeons

Trump Id love to be president of the new confederate states of america

Trump: ‘I’d Love To Be President Of The New Confederate States Of America’

President Trump told reporters today that he was open to the idea of becoming president of any states that want to secede from the union. The comment came after reporters asked the president what he thought about conservative radio host … Continue reading Trump: ‘I’d Love To Be President Of The New Confederate States Of America’

Video shows trump crying and overeating after election loss

Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’

Having previously stated that he “might cry a lot” if he loses, the White House released a video today depicting Donald Trump gorging himself on KFC and McDonald’s while sobbing uncontrollably. The video, which was reportedly filmed in the past … Continue reading Trump Cries & Overeats in TV Ad That Prepares US for ‘New Kind of Presidential Low’

Trump to Ban Dating Apps as Fauci Calls For ‘Slut Shaming’ to Curb Pandemic

President Trump put out a statement today in which he said he would be banning all dating apps with an executive order in the coming week. The move comes after experts found that random sexual encounters were fueling the pandemic. … Continue reading Trump to Ban Dating Apps as Fauci Calls For ‘Slut Shaming’ to Curb Pandemic

NFL Says It’s Going to Play Trump’s ‘Grab Her By the Pussy’ Tape Before Every Game

The National Football League announced today that it will be playing three distinct audio files before each football game throughout the 2020 season. First, the black national anthem, second the Billy Bush-Access Hollywood tape in which president Trump says ‘Grab … Continue reading NFL Says It’s Going to Play Trump’s ‘Grab Her By the Pussy’ Tape Before Every Game

CDC to quarantine trump rallygoers after Tulsa Speech

CDC to Quarantine Tulsa Rally-Goers Immediately After Trump Finishes His Speech

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced today that they will be detaining and quarantining all Trump rally-goers in Tulsa, Oklahoma immediately after the president finishes his speech. People in the building will have no choice in the matter … Continue reading CDC to Quarantine Tulsa Rally-Goers Immediately After Trump Finishes His Speech

Michigan Bans Trump, Revokes ‘Man of The Year’ Award

Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced this afternoon that president Donald Trump has been banned from her state. The announcement comes hours after Trump broke state law by not wearing a face mask during his visit to a Michigan Ford plant … Continue reading Michigan Bans Trump, Revokes ‘Man of The Year’ Award

Laughable Third Party Candidate Hasn’t Even Been Accused of Sexual Assault

Congressman Justin Amash, a Republican-turned-independent from Michigan, took heat upon announcing his presidential bid after it was revealed that he has yet to be accused of any form of sexual misconduct. The revelation that Amash may be an unquestionably innocent … Continue reading Laughable Third Party Candidate Hasn’t Even Been Accused of Sexual Assault

Space Force Bible written in Galactic Basic and blessed at National Cathedral sparks outrage

The blessing of the official Bible of the US Space Force took place today and religious groups are livid after learning the selected Bible was written in Galactic Basic; the common language found in Star Wars. The White House confirmed … Continue reading Space Force Bible written in Galactic Basic and blessed at National Cathedral sparks outrage

Trump: “The radical left is taking Jesus out of the Thanksgiving Turkey preparation process”

President Trump went on a 20-minute rant at a rally in Pittsburgh, PA last night in which he described how the radical left is taking Jesus out of the Thanksgiving turkey preparation process. “They want to stop us, the lefty … Continue reading Trump: “The radical left is taking Jesus out of the Thanksgiving Turkey preparation process”

Trump: ‘It’s cute that Rick Perry thinks there’s a God. If anything, I’m God!’

When asked by reporters today how he felt about Rick Perry calling him God’s “Chosen One,” president Trump faced cameras at the White House and stated “It’s cute. I think it’s really cute that Rick still thinks there’s a God. … Continue reading Trump: ‘It’s cute that Rick Perry thinks there’s a God. If anything, I’m God!’