House democrats killed a republican-sponsored bill today that would have allowed president Trump to detonate nukes in the eyes of hurricanes utilizing trained dolphins. The 272-158 vote reportedly infuriated the president who immediately went on Twitter to vent his anger. Advertisements
“Holy hell! C’mon people. Do I need to spell it out for you!?” – Robert Mueller
“An investigation will show Melania’s knockers were implanted by the Russians to spy on our great nation.”
“With McCain already tormenting Donald Trump by repeatedly moving and re-hiding the pee tape, we can only expect worse and worse episodes.”
An executive order from the desk of President Trump has put an end to genetically-modified, cyborg baby programs.
“I picked up the sweet, floral tones of South Colombian cocaine and the chemical aura of John Frieda’s Luxurious Volume Forever Full Hairspray for Fine Wigs.” – Joe Biden
“I’m running because I have a very particular set of skills,” the 7-foot tall former FBI Director bellowed. “Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, Mr. Trump.”