“Those familiar with the Bible will immediately know that this is The Mark of the Beast,” stated Carson while steepling his fingers and arching his eyebrows.
After being called out on social media for having small crowds, paid attendees, and empty seats at rallies, the Trump reelection campaign has taken to filling seats with additional dummies. “This is a smart move by the Trump campaign; matching the substance and personalities of the waning remainder of his supporters,” CNN’s Anderson Cooper stated. “These dummies are made of fragile porcelain, are hollow inside and are incapable of thought – so they really couldn’t have done a better job.” “Trump rallies this election season looks like something straight out of a horror movie,” Cooper concluded. “Imagine an auditorium filled with a bunch of dummies all faced toward a walking, talking Russian puppet.”
Multinational conglomerate 3M announced today that it’s parting ways with Donald Trump. The company says it will no longer sponsor or provide the president with free products to use as a tie clip.
“The words on that statue are welcoming to criminals and lowlifes.”
“In Narnia alone we lost centaurs, fauns – and some of them, I’m sure, were unicorns.”
The bill, which is entitled the ‘Act Legitimizing Morally Offensive Shootings Today,’ or A.L.M.O.S.T., will place restrictions on those selling guns after 37 mass shootings have taken place in the calendar year.
“First and foremost, we must blow up the nukes to make sure that no one gets their hands on them.” – President Trump