Freezing temperatures aren’t just nasty, they can also increase risk of death – something that only 47% of poor Americans welcome. Here are some sad, but easy ways to stay warm this winter that won’t break the bank. 1. Don’t … Continue reading 7 Sad Yet Easy Ways Poor People Can Keep Warm This Winter That Won’t Break The Bank
25% of Americans believe that God will determine the Super Bowl winner. Additionally, almost 50% believe that God rewards the more devout athletes. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading 25% Of Americans Believe God Decides The Winner Of The Super Bowl
A study released by Harvard University today revealed that of the top 100 wealthiest Americans, nearly 90% claimed that they were either “close” or “very close” to liking the United States enough to start paying taxes. “As our wealth swells, … Continue reading Study: Wealthiest Americans ‘Extremely Close’ To Liking Country Enough To Pay Taxes
Moderna announced today that the pharmaceutical company was in the final stages of testing a new suppository for the approximately 65 million Americans who are afraid of needles (trypanophobia). Notably, during the study, scientists made the shocking discovery that the … Continue reading Moderna To Offer New Suppository For 20% Of Americans Who Are Afraid Of Needles
Over 22,400 Americans have choked to death in 2020 – more than four times the yearly average. Experts say the cause is an uptick in less intelligent Americans finally agreeing to wear masks and then forgetting to remove them before … Continue reading Are Masks Safe?: Choking Deaths Quadruple as Americans Forget to Remove Masks Before Eating
A recent study published by Princeton reveals that approximately 31% of Americans are not smart enough to understand how a virus spreads, why they should be wearing masks, or how their reckless behavior is forcing states to re-close businesses. “Not … Continue reading Study: 1 in 3 Americans Too Stupid to Help Fight Pandemic
According to a recent Gallop poll, less than 1 in 3 employed Americans say they’re involved in, enthusiastic about, or committed to their work or workplace. What do you think? Continue reading A Record 69% of Americans Are Disengaged at Work
Members of Congress revealed today that they had forgotten to sign their insufficient joke of a stimulus bill with a sincere ‘Fuck You’ in order to make the document as transparent as possible. “With a few simple votes we will … Continue reading Congress Revisits Stimulus Bill After Forgetting to Sign it With a Sincere ‘Fuck You’ To American Citizens
Black Americans across the country are seriously considering risking their lives by staging an open carry rally outside of the White House. While still in the early planning stages, the group says they would hold the gathering in order to … Continue reading Black Americans are considering trying an open carry rally – just once – to get a gun control bill passed
With temperatures warming up, and plenty of things to do, most Americans will spend the weekend on the couch binge watching TV. “By 4pm or so on a Sunday, the majority of citizens will once again realize that they’re doing … Continue reading Warmer temperatures this weekend will reinforce that you are a lazy slob with no hobbies
Although most Americans admit they aren’t worthy of going to Heaven, the vast majority also say that they haven’t made a plan for when they inevitably become God’s leftovers. What do you think? Continue reading Alarming: Most Americans have no plan for when they aren’t raptured
Hard seltzer brands are enjoying what’s being called ‘The Summer of Seltzer’ as millions of barbaric Americans have come to terms with the fact that they don’t deserve nice things. These tasteless people have purchased so much of the carbonated-piss-water … Continue reading Hard seltzer sales boom as trashy Americans welcome mediocrity into their pointless lives
Those who take prescription drugs made by Pfizer will not be able to notice the difference. Continue reading Pfizer Releases Pills that Slowly Deduct Money from Your Bank Account
With a strong, seasonal depression quickly approaching, many Americans are considering staying home for the 4th of July weekend. Indeed, most experts agree that due to the severity of the looming depression – staying home, locking the doors, and hunkering … Continue reading Severe Depression to Impact Holiday Weekend for Many
***BREAKING*** (Washington D.C.) The Republican National Committee is openly taking responsibility for the death of front runner presidential candidate Donald Trump. Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, immediately spoke out about the decision to kill the candidate. “We feel a … Continue reading Tragic Death Ends Trump Campaign
“Stephenson, who has always lived in Naperville, Illinois, is dead sure that she was born and raised in the best place in the entire world. After being part of a poll by the PEW Research Team in which they interviewed nearly 3,200 people, PEW reported that Sarah – age 32 – was the most unwavering and…” Continue reading Woman Who Has Barely Traveled Certain She Lives in Best City
Target has announced that it is going to remove boy and girl labels from various aisles and items – including the toy section of its stores. The move, which will make at least all toys (and bedding) non-gender labeled, has caused an uproar in the United States. Continue reading American Families Blast Target for Removing Gender Labels
