Canadian Trucker Protest Enters 9th Day Of Hurling Insults Followed By Immediate, Heartfelt Apologies

Widely regarded as one of the most passive-aggressive protests in history, Truckers against vaccine mandates in Ottowa, Canada have entered their ninth day of hurling insults and then immediately issuing heartfelt apologies. “I’m sorry, but we’re quite livid. This is … Continue reading Canadian Trucker Protest Enters 9th Day Of Hurling Insults Followed By Immediate, Heartfelt Apologies

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Elon Musk Buys 420 Private Jets To Stop Teen’s Flight-Tracking Bot From Tweeting His Location

Billionaire businessman and entrepreneur Elon Musk recently purchased 420 private jets in an effort to prevent 19-year-old college freshman Jack Sweeny from using an algorithm he created to reveal where Musk and his plane are at all times. Notably, Musk … Continue reading Elon Musk Buys 420 Private Jets To Stop Teen’s Flight-Tracking Bot From Tweeting His Location

7 Sad Yet Easy Ways Poor People Can Keep Warm This Winter That Won’t Break The Bank

Freezing temperatures aren’t just nasty, they can also increase risk of death – something that only 47% of poor Americans welcome. Here are some sad, but easy ways to stay warm this winter that won’t break the bank. 1. Don’t … Continue reading 7 Sad Yet Easy Ways Poor People Can Keep Warm This Winter That Won’t Break The Bank

Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill

After admitting that he purposely collapsed an entire bridge in Pennsylvania injuring 10 people, President Joe Biden told a stunned crowd today that he’ll “fucking do it again” until the Republicans stop trying to take credit for Democrats passing the … Continue reading Biden Says He’ll Blow Up One Bridge Per Day Until Republicans Stop Taking Credit For Infrastructure Bill

Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In 'Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment'

Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’

Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent an entire hour last night attacking the Biden family for allegedly declawing the new White House cat. The decision to focus on the topic came despite the fact that nobody at Fox had confirmed … Continue reading Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’

Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’

According to sources at Fox News, entertainer Tucker Carlson has spent the last few days disillusioned, crying and upset that the Mars company has made their green M&M character “less sexy” by swapping out her high heels for regular shoes. … Continue reading Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’

Trump: ‘I Would Never Attack A Single Disgusting, Dishonest, Low-Rated, Enemy Of The People, Fake News Journalist!’

Upon hearing that Joe Biden called Fox News journalist Peter Doocy a “stupid son of a bitch,” former president Donald Trump gave a public statement rebuking Biden. “We’ve got sleepy, creepy Joe being so rude, so unfair, so unpresidential,” Trump … Continue reading Trump: ‘I Would Never Attack A Single Disgusting, Dishonest, Low-Rated, Enemy Of The People, Fake News Journalist!’

NFL Will Use ‘Animal-Free’ Footballs Now That Tom Brady Is Going Vegan

The NFL announced today that starting next weekend the league will be using plant-based, vegan footballs. The historic change comes after Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady held a press conference in which he spent over an hour telling reporters why he’s … Continue reading NFL Will Use ‘Animal-Free’ Footballs Now That Tom Brady Is Going Vegan

Joe Manchin Regularly Holds Up Lines At Gas Stations While Playing $1 Scratchers

Multiple reports from Washington D.C. and West Virginia residents are beginning to show a clear pattern of senator Joe Manchin holding up lines at gas stations while he plays $1 scratch tickets. What makes things take even longer is Manchin’s … Continue reading Joe Manchin Regularly Holds Up Lines At Gas Stations While Playing $1 Scratchers

NASA Slapped With A Restraining Order After Probing The Sun’s Atmosphere

A restraining order was handed down to NASA on Tuesday after one of their spacecrafts was seen lurking near the Sun before it penetrated the massive ball of fire; touching it right on the atmosphere. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading NASA Slapped With A Restraining Order After Probing The Sun’s Atmosphere

DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’

Florida governor Ron DeSantis held a press conference today in which he announced a new bill called the ‘W.O.K.E Act’ – or Whites Organizing for KKKonservative Education. The governor said that he was taking a stand against critical race theory … Continue reading DeSantis Announces ‘Whites Organizing For KKKonservative Education’ – Or ‘W.O.K.E. Act’

Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You

Scientists across the globe are now starting to admit that there is a perk for those of us who are wisely choosing not to get vaccinated against Covid: We’re 11 times more likely to meet God sooner than all of … Continue reading Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You

Nicki Minaj Farts Out Her Birthday Candles ‘To Avoid Spreading Covid’

While celebrating her birthday today, rapper, singer, and songwriter Nicki Minaj turned around, bent over and farted on her birthday cake in an odd effort to blow out the candles. Minaj moaned as she let out a long, wet one … Continue reading Nicki Minaj Farts Out Her Birthday Candles ‘To Avoid Spreading Covid’

Elon Musk: ‘CEO Is A Made-Up Title, Call Me Sir Hair Plugs McBlood Emerald’

Billionaire Elon Musk stunned attendees at The Wall Street Journal’s CEO Council Summit yesterday when he proclaimed that “CEO is a made-up title.” Musk added that he had applied for a formal SEC filing to change his official title to “Sir … Continue reading Elon Musk: ‘CEO Is A Made-Up Title, Call Me Sir Hair Plugs McBlood Emerald’

Little Caesars: ‘We Improved The Crust, But The Rest Of The Pizza Is Still Absolute Trash’

Pizza chain Little Caesars announced today that they have completely overhauled the ingredients that they use to make their pizza crusts, but that they’ve done absolutely nothing to make the rest of the pizza more palatable. “We went ahead and … Continue reading Little Caesars: ‘We Improved The Crust, But The Rest Of The Pizza Is Still Absolute Trash’