Republicans Deny Madison Cawthorn Was Invited To Sex & Drug Parties: ‘We’re All Too Old To Move His Body’

House minority leader Kevin McCarthy once again denied claims today from Madison Cawthorn that he was invited to sex and drug parties by fellow members of the Republican party. McCarthy specifically told reporters that even if such parties existed, Cawthorn certainly … Continue reading Republicans Deny Madison Cawthorn Was Invited To Sex & Drug Parties: ‘We’re All Too Old To Move His Body’

Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Ménage à Trois on Valentine’s Day

Pope Francis gave a Valentine’s Day sermon at St. Peter’s Basilica today in which he asked couples to welcome single people – especially strangers – into their bedroom. The surprising suggestion has many asking if the religious leader is doing … Continue reading Lonely Pope Encourages Couples to Invite Single People for a Ménage à Trois on Valentine’s Day

China Gives Olympic Athletes Condoms & Tells Them To Avoid Physical Contact Such As ‘Hugs, High-Fives & Handshakes’

The Beijing Winter Olympics is set to run under very strict social distancing rules in order to stop the games from becoming a super-spreader event. Because of this, athletes are being told to avoid hugging, high-fives, and handshakes at all … Continue reading China Gives Olympic Athletes Condoms & Tells Them To Avoid Physical Contact Such As ‘Hugs, High-Fives & Handshakes’

Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’

According to sources at Fox News, entertainer Tucker Carlson has spent the last few days disillusioned, crying and upset that the Mars company has made their green M&M character “less sexy” by swapping out her high heels for regular shoes. … Continue reading Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’

TX Republican To Ban 850 Books That ‘Could Make Students Feel Uneasy’

Representative Matt Krause (R-TX) has compiled a list of 850 books that he wants to ban in schools. Krause says the books in question “might make students feel discomfort, guilt, anguish, or any other form of psychological distress because of … Continue reading TX Republican To Ban 850 Books That ‘Could Make Students Feel Uneasy’

Fast food restaurants back to being fully staffed after only fans bans sexual content

Fast Food Restaurants Back To Being Fully-Staffed After Only Fans Bans Sexual Content

Fast food restaurants are fully-staffed once again after popular porn site Only Fans announced today that it will no longer be allowing sexual content on their platform. Here’s what people are saying: McDonald’s photo credit Paul Sableman Continue reading Fast Food Restaurants Back To Being Fully-Staffed After Only Fans Bans Sexual Content

anti sex cardboard beds installed in olympic village

‘Anti-Sex’ Cardboard Beds Installed In Olympic Village To Prevent Athletes From Having Intercourse

The Tokyo Olympics are providing athletes who will stay in the Olympic Village with cardboard beds that many say are designed to discourage sex. The beds, which can handle up to 400 pounds of pressure, are certainly not made for … Continue reading ‘Anti-Sex’ Cardboard Beds Installed In Olympic Village To Prevent Athletes From Having Intercourse

Sir David Attenborough narrates own birthday sex

Sir David Attenborough Films Own Birthday Sex & Adds Narration For Upcoming Biopic

English broadcaster and natural historian Sir David Attenborough has a new biopic coming out next year and he’s not pulling any punches. Reportedly, Attenborough was overheard today talking about how he had just finished filming birthday sex for the documentary. … Continue reading Sir David Attenborough Films Own Birthday Sex & Adds Narration For Upcoming Biopic

Just one more and then ill stop sweaty matt gaetz whispers before sending venmo payment

‘Just One More & Then I’ll Stop’ Sweaty Matt Gaetz Whispers To Himself Before Pressing Pay On Venmo

After realizing that his Republican colleagues were not going to do anything to stop him, a nervous Matt Gaetz worked up the courage today to send a $900 Venmo payment to his longtime friend and fellow alleged sexual predator Joel … Continue reading ‘Just One More & Then I’ll Stop’ Sweaty Matt Gaetz Whispers To Himself Before Pressing Pay On Venmo

Brett Favre Dick Pick Tattoo

Brett Favre Reveals New ‘Shut Up About Politics’ Tattoo In Latest Dick Pic

Just hours after declaring that athletes should keep personal politics out of sports, former NFL quarterback Brett Favre sent a series of unsolicited sexual photos to several female sports journalists at both CNN and Fox News. According to recipients, the … Continue reading Brett Favre Reveals New ‘Shut Up About Politics’ Tattoo In Latest Dick Pic

Falwell: ‘This is Easily The Hottest & Worst Thing to Ever Happen to Me’

Evangelist Jerry Falwell Jr. spoke briefly with reporters this afternoon after it was revealed that he spent years masturbating while watching his pool boy have sex with his wife. Falwell, who has demonized others for their non-traditional sex lives now … Continue reading Falwell: ‘This is Easily The Hottest & Worst Thing to Ever Happen to Me’

Melania Avoids Donald After Learning ‘Sex With Demons Causes Disease’

President Trump shared a video on Twitter yesterday featuring a doctor named Stella Immanuel who claimed that she’s cured COVID-19 with hydroxychloroquine. Within minutes of posting the video, it was revealed that Dr. Immanuel also believes that having sexual intercourse … Continue reading Melania Avoids Donald After Learning ‘Sex With Demons Causes Disease’

AARP Poll Ranks Biden as Being ‘Decidedly More Fuckable’ Than Trump

The American Association of Retired People (AARP) released a new poll today revealing that, when forced to choose, 87% of Americans over 50 would prefer to have sex with Joe Biden over Donald Trump. Reasons cited by the more than … Continue reading AARP Poll Ranks Biden as Being ‘Decidedly More Fuckable’ Than Trump