China Bans Heterosexual Sex Over Population Concerns

“The only sexual contact permitted in China for the foreseeable future will be homosexual in nature,” President Jinping stated while intertwining his fingers with NBA star Yao Ming.

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Severe Depression to Impact Holiday Weekend for Many

Severe Depression to Impact Holiday Weekend for Many

With a strong, seasonal depression quickly approaching, many Americans are considering staying home for the 4th of July weekend. Indeed, most experts agree that due to the severity of the looming depression – staying home, locking the doors, and hunkering down might be the wisest decision. “For me, it looks like the depression will be […]

6 More Ways America Leads The World

6 More Ways America Leads The World

“America leads the world in pretty much everything awesome, there’s no need to even research that because everyone knows it. Fact. Period. Soaring eagles. End of story. But, did you know that…”

Breaking--Pope-Francis-Admits-to-Marijuana-Usage

Breaking: Pope Francis Admits to Marijuana Usage

The Pope’s admission of cannabis usage understandably resulted in many follow-up questions. Lauren Green, Chief Religion Correspondent for the Fox News Channel, asked Pope Francis why he felt that he was “in any position to speak against so-called ‘modern capitalism’.”

Nervous Rick Perry Unsure How to Count, Put Complete Sentences Together

Nervous Rick Perry Unsure How to Count, Put Complete Sentences Together

(Photo by Gage Skidmore. No endorsement implied) Former Presidential hopeful Rick Perry, who stumbled and fell short in his last run for President of the United States has announced that he is running again. However, shortly after his announcement, his campaign team now admits that he can no longer remember what order numbers come in […]

senator hannah beth jackson

Bill Forces Black Rights Movement into California Textbooks

The California Legislature may pass a kidney stone over a bill that would force school textbooks and teachers to incorporate information on African Americans into their curriculum. The Fairly, Audacious, Intrusive, and Regretful Education Act, or SB48 – which resembles a bill previously vetoed by former Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger – made it one crip walk […]