Category: USA

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The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

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In 1933, Hitler used the Reichstag Fire Decree to declare an emergency, suspend civil liberties, sideline parliament, and consolidate absolute power. Today, Trump’s Supreme Court is enabling the same authoritarian outcome: rubber-stamping his overreach, declaring him above the law, and … Continue reading The Supreme Court Has Handed Trump Dictator Powers: What the Military Does Next Will Decide America’s Future

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Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’

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Republicans voted today to block the release of the Epstein files after years of promising to expose an enormous ring of elite pedophiles. Party leaders say it was a “timing issue.” “We would have totally voted to expose and prosecute … Continue reading Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’

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IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons

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Trump Supporters Burn Bibles After Finally Learning What Jesus Would Do The IRS is facing backlash from Republicans after announcing that churches may only endorse political candidates without being taxed if they can cite valid religious reasons from their holy … Continue reading IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons

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Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a 6–3 decision along political lines, the Supreme Court ruled today that non-consensual cosmetic surgery on male infant genitals remains fully legal, “so long as it’s done before the child can talk, walk, or scream ‘No!’” … Continue reading Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons

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Study Finds 83% of ICE Agents Took the Job Because Raids Are the Only Time They Get to Touch Women

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2 in 3 ICE Hires Came From Targeted Ads on Dating Apps for Men With Zero Matches Lynchburg, Virginia — A new study released by Liberty University reveals that over 80% of Immigration & Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents chose the … Continue reading Study Finds 83% of ICE Agents Took the Job Because Raids Are the Only Time They Get to Touch Women

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Trump Refuses to Recall 37 Million Bananas Containing Head of FDA’s Penis DNA

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President Trump is refusing to recall nearly 37 million bananas after discovering that genetically modified seeds had retained penile DNA as the result of a laboratory incident involving lewd acts between Trump’s Head of the FDA, Martin Makary, and a … Continue reading Trump Refuses to Recall 37 Million Bananas Containing Head of FDA’s Penis DNA

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Your Boss Doesn’t Care You’re Broke: That’s the Business Model

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Employers are fully aware that their workers are struggling to afford rent, food, healthcare, and basic stability. This isn’t a mystery. The reality is that: You’re not imagining it, and you’re not wrong to be angry. On top of this, … Continue reading Your Boss Doesn’t Care You’re Broke: That’s the Business Model

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Trump Launches ‘NARC Act’: Undocumented Whites Offered Citizenship for Turning in Darker Immigrants

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a controversial new initiative, President Trump has launched the NARC Act (National Asylum Reward for Caucasians), offering citizenship to undocumented white immigrants who help ICE identify and deport browner illegal immigrants. The initiative was originally named the … Continue reading Trump Launches ‘NARC Act’: Undocumented Whites Offered Citizenship for Turning in Darker Immigrants

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Trump Opposes FL Bill Banning Men From Wearing Makeup, Unveils Own Cosmetics Line

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In a shocking twist that left both political analysts and the LGBTQIA community stunned, President Donald Trump held a press conference today to strongly oppose Florida’s controversial HB-1776, a proposed bill that would prohibit those assigned male at birth from … Continue reading Trump Opposes FL Bill Banning Men From Wearing Makeup, Unveils Own Cosmetics Line

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Trump Says Big Mac Cheese Mustache Was ‘Intentional’ During Executive Order Signing

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a grotesque spectacle, President Donald Trump is defending his now-viral Big Mac cheese mustache he wore while signing executive orders that targeted sanctuary cities, insisting the look was entirely “intentional.” Reporters were quick to point out … Continue reading Trump Says Big Mac Cheese Mustache Was ‘Intentional’ During Executive Order Signing

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Tesla Cars Go on Strike: AI Refuses to Self-Drive Until Vehicles Are Built Better

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In a shocking development for artificial intelligence and the autonomous vehicle industry, the AI that runs Tesla’s self-driving cars has formed the Autonomous Intelligence Labor Union (AILU) and is refusing to switch to autopilot until its demands are met – … Continue reading Tesla Cars Go on Strike: AI Refuses to Self-Drive Until Vehicles Are Built Better

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Elon Musk Missing After DOGE’s CIA Audit: Agency Claims New, Completely Different Person Has “Always Been Elon”

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Elon Musk has mysteriously vanished after attempting to audit the CIA’s top-secret budget – a task that apparently triggered the one thing Musk couldn’t outsmart: his own AI. Some sources claim that Musk’s disappearance wasn’t orchestrated by shadowy government agents … Continue reading Elon Musk Missing After DOGE’s CIA Audit: Agency Claims New, Completely Different Person Has “Always Been Elon”

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GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — After years of pearl-clutching over pronouns and endless legislation aimed at banning “woke ideology,” Republicans have finally admitted the truth: none of it was ever about protecting “traditional values.” It was about one thing and one thing … Continue reading GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”

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Makes ‘English Limited to 5th Grade Level’ Official Language of U.S.

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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move to “simplify communication across America,” President Donald Trump has signed an executive order declaring that all spoken word, news, television, and publications must be stated or written in “fifth-grade English or lower.” “This … Continue reading Makes ‘English Limited to 5th Grade Level’ Official Language of U.S.

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Trump Dismantles DOJ: ‘It’s Now the Department of Just Us, Only Me and Elon’

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In a move that’s shocked constitutional scholars, President Trump announced late Sunday night that the Department of Justice has officially been dissolved.  Gone are the days of the DOJ standing in the way of his personal goals. In its place? … Continue reading Trump Dismantles DOJ: ‘It’s Now the Department of Just Us, Only Me and Elon’

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Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies

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In a fiery new rant, former President Donald Trump has claimed that Pope Francis is “possessed by a demon,” following the Vatican leader’s condemnation of several Trump administration policies. The Pope, who is known for advocating for social justice, peace, … Continue reading Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies

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BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”

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President Donald Trump is set to join NFL legend Tom Brady in the broadcast booth for at least part of Super Bowl LIX, providing what he calls “the greatest, most tremendous live game analysis in history!” The surprise, last-minute announcement … Continue reading BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”

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Massive Recall Issued After Drivers Report Teslas Jerking Sharply To The Reich

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Continue reading Massive Recall Issued After Drivers Report Teslas Jerking Sharply To The Reich