WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move critics are calling “a confession in legislative form,” Donald Trump signed an executive order today lowering the federal age of consent to 10 years old. The decree retroactively changes the law beginning in 1946 … Continue reading Trump Signs Executive Order Retroactively Lowering Age of Consent to 10
Republicans voted today to block the release of the Epstein files after years of promising to expose an enormous ring of elite pedophiles. Party leaders say it was a “timing issue.” “We would have totally voted to expose and prosecute … Continue reading Republicans Block Epstein Files Release: ‘It Wouldn’t Be Fair to Pedophiles Who Already Bribed Us’
The corpse of Jeffrey Epstein was found hanging from a tree outside his mausoleum in Loxahatchee, Florida tonight. Authorities say two night watchmen skipped one of their rounds, and that’s when Epstein killed himself. Again. “What’s clear is that we … Continue reading Jeffrey Epstein Found Dead (Again) Outside Mausoleum After Security Lapse
Trump Supporters Burn Bibles After Finally Learning What Jesus Would Do The IRS is facing backlash from Republicans after announcing that churches may only endorse political candidates without being taxed if they can cite valid religious reasons from their holy … Continue reading IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a 6–3 decision along political lines, the Supreme Court ruled today that non-consensual cosmetic surgery on male infant genitals remains fully legal, “so long as it’s done before the child can talk, walk, or scream ‘No!’” … Continue reading Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons
2 in 3 ICE Hires Came From Targeted Ads on Dating Apps for Men With Zero Matches Lynchburg, Virginia — A new study released by Liberty University reveals that over 80% of Immigration & Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents chose the … Continue reading Study Finds 83% of ICE Agents Took the Job Because Raids Are the Only Time They Get to Touch Women
In a shocking twist that left both political analysts and the LGBTQIA community stunned, President Donald Trump held a press conference today to strongly oppose Florida’s controversial HB-1776, a proposed bill that would prohibit those assigned male at birth from … Continue reading Trump Opposes FL Bill Banning Men From Wearing Makeup, Unveils Own Cosmetics Line
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After years of pearl-clutching over pronouns and endless legislation aimed at banning “woke ideology,” Republicans have finally admitted the truth: none of it was ever about protecting “traditional values.” It was about one thing and one thing … Continue reading GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”
President Donald Trump is set to join NFL legend Tom Brady in the broadcast booth for at least part of Super Bowl LIX, providing what he calls “the greatest, most tremendous live game analysis in history!” The surprise, last-minute announcement … Continue reading BREAKING: Trump to Call Super Bowl with Tom Brady in Surprise Live Broadcast: “Too Many Foreign Names on the Field, If You Ask Me”
Little Caesars announced today that in honor of Women’s History Month the pizza chain will be selling the all-new ‘MaxiPizza’ – which is simply a maxi pad-shaped pizza topped with pepperoni. Little Caesars CEO David Scrivano spoke briefly with reporters … Continue reading Little Caesars’ All-New ‘MaxiPizza’ To Be Released For Women’s History Month
When asked again today by reporters why he wouldn’t set a good example for the country by wearing a mask, president Trump angered many with his response. “I’m tired of the mask question. You know who should really be wearing … Continue reading Trump: ‘Women Should Wear Masks If They’re Ugly’
Advertised as the answer to free speech suppression on social media, Parler has outpaced every other two-star rated app designed for people who want to share racist, sexist, and homophobic content without repercussions. Parler, which exists as a rejection of … Continue reading Parler App Quickly Becomes #1 Racist Content Repository
With countless stay-at-home orders and company shutdowns across the country, many people are being hit hard in the wallet, but president Trump says it’s especially hard for men. “Men are losing the most,” president Trump told journalists in an address … Continue reading Trump Says It’s ‘Unfair’ That Men Are Losing $1 for Every 79¢ a Woman Loses as Joblessness Spreads
“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.” Continue reading Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor
“Wrap the baby beautifully in a flour tortilla and toss it in the oven,” Trump stated while wiping saliva from his chin. “If you do all of that, then maybe I take a little bite. A nibble. I don’t know. I don’t know.” Continue reading Trump Says He Wonders What Babies Taste Like at Wisconsin Rally
“None of them seemed phased by Carlson. It was like the [expletive] Twilight Zone.”
Continue reading Tucker Carlson Forgets to Remove Klan Robe, Walks On to Set of Fox & Friends
Biden was leering at the frail, 85 year old Senator Dianne Feinstein when he uttered the phrase. Continue reading Joe Biden Caught on Tape Saying “Punch Her in the Taco”
“Sqoobz aren’t comfortable to wear by any means. Your tits will be flopping around in there.” – Victoria’s Secret CEO Jan Singer Continue reading Victoria’s Secret: Cube-Shaped Bras and Breasts Are ‘Trend of The Future’
