Senator Mitch McConnell (R – KY) will have to make the tough call today to abort an anti-abortion bill that he himself co-sponsored. The bill, S.1881, would have effectively ended Federal funding for Planned Parenthood.

“It’s very, very hard for me to do,” sobbed McConnell, “It was a viable document that could have come to life as a living and breathing law. But sadly, it became clear that we were just not ready to have the bill at this time.”

Main bill sponsor, Joni Ernst (R – IA), said that there were a few reasons why the legislation had to be terminated.

“Long story short, we didn’t have the resources or support to pass the bill,” Ernst stated. “There’s really no way this could have worked without there being two parties ready to take on the responsibility.”

Ernst also said that the bill would not have been introduced into the good environment that it would need to succeed.

From the far-left side of the isle, Senator Kamala Harris (D-CA) voiced her agreement while acting as the voice of most Democrats.

“We know it is hard for the Republicans to have to abort a bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision,” Harris stated. “We all admitted to ourselves that this was an unwanted bill which would have been much easier to nurture in the 1950s. Getting rid of the bill before it became a law was the only logical option.”

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