Reports say McConnell injured himself while he was aggressively fucking the country.
“It’s our time now! The dawning of the age of the Reptilians is upon us!” – Mitch McConnell
McConnell is being investigated by the US. Senate Ethics Committee for spending $127,000 on a new heat lamp system and gigantic basking rocks in his office.
“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.”
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell
“Mitch insists on having mayonnaise in every single meal he eats.”