Category: Mitch McConnell

Health & Wellness, Mitch McConnell, Politics, U.S. NewsLeave a comment

McConnell’s Doctor Says Knowledge of Senator’s Missing Heart & Brain Ruled Out Stroke, Heart Attack, Immediately

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WASHINGTON D.C. – In a shocking medical revelation, Mitch McConnell’s personal doctor, Dr. Felix Mortimer, took to the podium to address the nation about the senator’s “freezing incident,” announcing that he was able to “immediately rule out any possibility of … Continue reading McConnell’s Doctor Says Knowledge of Senator’s Missing Heart & Brain Ruled Out Stroke, Heart Attack, Immediately

Democrats, Mitch McConnell, Politics, RepublicansLeave a comment
democrats form commission to determine how republicans can live with themselves

Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves

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Bewildered by their political counterparts, Senate Democrats voted today to form a new commission that will hopefully help them to understand exactly how Republicans are able to live with themselves. Referred to as the F.A.C.T.S. Commission – short for Finding … Continue reading Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves

Mitch McConnell, Politics, RepublicansLeave a comment
'Saying No To The Commission Doesn't Mean You're Guilty' McConnell Chants At Hypnotized Republicans

‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans

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Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was seen hypnotizing fellow Republicans on the Senate floor today with the clear goal of making them feel okay with voting ‘no’ on the January 6th commission. “Voting against the Capitol insurrection investigation in no way implies … Continue reading ‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans

Immigration, Mitch McConnell, Politics, Race, RacistLeave a comment
republicans against trump regroup as less overtly racist third party

Mitch McConnell Touts His Newly-Formed Anti-Trump Party As ‘Far, Far Less Overtly Racist’

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In a concerted effort to distance themselves from Donald Trump, a group of over 120 conservative politicians held a Zoom call this week to discuss creating a third party called ‘Republicans Against Trump’ (RATs). The party is described as “basically … Continue reading Mitch McConnell Touts His Newly-Formed Anti-Trump Party As ‘Far, Far Less Overtly Racist’

America, Donald Trump, Impeachment, Mitch McConnell, Politics, RepublicanLeave a comment

President Trump poops all over the American flag to begin impeachment defense

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Republicans began Saturday’s impeachment hearing by allowing the president to enter the chamber, drape an American flag on the Senate floor, drop his pants, shuffle his body over the flag, and take a sizable shit. The spectacle took place while … Continue reading President Trump poops all over the American flag to begin impeachment defense

Animals, Donald Trump, Impeachment, Mitch McConnell, Politics, TurtleLeave a comment

Herpetologists: Mitch McConnell’s push for late night impeachment trial suggests he’s a desert tortoise

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With Mitch McConnell’s push for a late night impeachment trial, herpetologists everywhere have begun speculating that the Senator is likely part desert tortoise. “The desert tortoise is known for sleeping underground throughout most of the day and then crawling out … Continue reading Herpetologists: Mitch McConnell’s push for late night impeachment trial suggests he’s a desert tortoise

environment, Mitch McConnell, Turtle, U.S. NewsLeave a comment
Authorities launch investigation after Mitch McConnell was mailed deadly plastic bags and straws

Investigation under way after Mitch McConnell gets a plastic straw rammed up his nose

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An investigation is underway after Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell was severely injured moments after opening a package that contained several plastic bags and straws. McConnell, like most turtles, tried to put the foreign objects in his mouth to gain an … Continue reading Investigation under way after Mitch McConnell gets a plastic straw rammed up his nose

Abortion, Breaking News, Gender Equality, Health & Wellness, Healthcare, Mitch McConnell, Politics, Republican, Science, sexism, Society, U.S. News, women's rightsLeave a comment
On Monday afternoon Senator Mitch McConnell (R - AL) had to make the tough decision of aborting a bill that he himself had co-sponsored. The bill, S.1881, would have effectively ended

Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor

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“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.” Continue reading Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor