Category: Mitch McConnell
Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves
Bewildered by their political counterparts, Senate Democrats voted today to form a new commission that will hopefully help them to understand exactly how Republicans are able to live with themselves. Referred to as the F.A.C.T.S. Commission – short for Finding … Continue reading Senate Democrats Form New Commission To Investigate How Republicans Can Live With Themselves
‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans
Mitch McConnell (R-KY) was seen hypnotizing fellow Republicans on the Senate floor today with the clear goal of making them feel okay with voting ‘no’ on the January 6th commission. “Voting against the Capitol insurrection investigation in no way implies … Continue reading ‘Saying No To The Commission Doesn’t Imply We’re Guilty’ McConnell Chants With Hypnotized Republicans
Mitch McConnell Touts His Newly-Formed Anti-Trump Party As ‘Far, Far Less Overtly Racist’
In a concerted effort to distance themselves from Donald Trump, a group of over 120 conservative politicians held a Zoom call this week to discuss creating a third party called ‘Republicans Against Trump’ (RATs). The party is described as “basically … Continue reading Mitch McConnell Touts His Newly-Formed Anti-Trump Party As ‘Far, Far Less Overtly Racist’
Second Stimulus Package Just A Pizza Party & Free Copy Of Shrek 3
After months of back and forth over what to provide in a stimulus package for the American people, Congress has finally managed to pass a bill that will offer every family a pizza party and a free copy of Shrek … Continue reading Second Stimulus Package Just A Pizza Party & Free Copy Of Shrek 3
President Trump poops all over the American flag to begin impeachment defense
Republicans began Saturday’s impeachment hearing by allowing the president to enter the chamber, drape an American flag on the Senate floor, drop his pants, shuffle his body over the flag, and take a sizable shit. The spectacle took place while … Continue reading President Trump poops all over the American flag to begin impeachment defense
Herpetologists: Mitch McConnell’s push for late night impeachment trial suggests he’s a desert tortoise
With Mitch McConnell’s push for a late night impeachment trial, herpetologists everywhere have begun speculating that the Senator is likely part desert tortoise. “The desert tortoise is known for sleeping underground throughout most of the day and then crawling out … Continue reading Herpetologists: Mitch McConnell’s push for late night impeachment trial suggests he’s a desert tortoise
Investigation under way after Mitch McConnell gets a plastic straw rammed up his nose
An investigation is underway after Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell was severely injured moments after opening a package that contained several plastic bags and straws. McConnell, like most turtles, tried to put the foreign objects in his mouth to gain an … Continue reading Investigation under way after Mitch McConnell gets a plastic straw rammed up his nose
Mitch McConnell put on shell-rest after government healthcare fixes his broken shoulder
Reports say McConnell injured himself while he was aggressively fucking the country. Continue reading Mitch McConnell put on shell-rest after government healthcare fixes his broken shoulder
Mitch McConnell Blocks Election Security Bills in Preparation for The Reptilian Takeover
“It’s our time now! The dawning of the age of the Reptilians is upon us!” – Mitch McConnell Continue reading Mitch McConnell Blocks Election Security Bills in Preparation for The Reptilian Takeover
Mitch McConnell Caught Using Taxpayer Money To Remodel His Terrarium
McConnell is being investigated by the US. Senate Ethics Committee for spending $127,000 on a new heat lamp system and gigantic basking rocks in his office. Continue reading Mitch McConnell Caught Using Taxpayer Money To Remodel His Terrarium
Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor
“We know it is hard for Mr. McConnell to have to abort the bill right here on the Senate floor, but Democrats are truly supportive of the decision.” Continue reading Republican Bill Blocking Funding for Planned Parenthood Aborted on US Senate Floor
Mitch McConnell Legally Changes Name to ‘Bitch McConnell’
“Let’s just admit it, Mitch is such a basic bitch name.” – Senator Bitch McConnell Continue reading Mitch McConnell Legally Changes Name to ‘Bitch McConnell’
Senate Republicans Hire Hooters to Cater Kavanaugh Hearing
“I just don’t see the problem here.” – Senator McConnell Continue reading Senate Republicans Hire Hooters to Cater Kavanaugh Hearing
Mitch McConnell is Obsessed with Mayonnaise and It’s Disgusting
“Mitch insists on having mayonnaise in every single meal he eats.” Continue reading Mitch McConnell is Obsessed with Mayonnaise and It’s Disgusting