Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

$1,400 Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

An obscure rule in Congress will block Republican voters from receiving the next $1,400 stimulus check because none of their representatives voted in favor of the latest bill which passed 50-49 along party lines. The relevant regulation is referred to … Continue reading $1,400 Stimulus Passes Along Party Lines Meaning Only Democrat Voters Will Receive Checks

Trump Defense Plays Damning Montage Of Democrats Participating In Fight Clubs and Mortal Kombats

Trump Lawyers Reveal Damning Images Of Democrats Participating In A ‘Fight Club’ On Capitol Grounds

During his second impeachment, Donald Trump’s lawyers revealed that they have “damning evidence” showing high-ranking Democrat leaders participating in an “underground fight club” in the basement of the Capitol building. “The Democrats are claiming that the violence at the Capitol … Continue reading Trump Lawyers Reveal Damning Images Of Democrats Participating In A ‘Fight Club’ On Capitol Grounds

Civil War 'Unlikely' as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID

Civil War ‘Unlikely’ as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID

Looking to ease the nation’s worries that the United States is on the brink of civil war, historians have come together to point out that too many Trump supporters have gotten COVID for the modern day South to physically rise … Continue reading Civil War ‘Unlikely’ as Most Trump Supporters Are Sick With COVID

Republicans Use Egotistical Lunatic to Help Reelect Egotistical Lunatic

Republicans helped Kanye West get himself on the Wisconsin ballot for the 2020 presidential election today; a move that could divert votes from Joe Biden to West and hand Trump a victory in the swing state. Despite having unmanaged mental … Continue reading Republicans Use Egotistical Lunatic to Help Reelect Egotistical Lunatic

Fuckery Nevada Voting App Will First Be Beta Tested During the Caucus

Unfathomable: Nevada Voting App Will First Be Tested During the Caucus

The Democratic Party will use yet another untested software in Nevada’s upcoming February 22nd caucus and many are concerned that the errors which surrounded deployment of the Iowa caucus app are being repeated once again. Countless caucus volunteers fear a … Continue reading Unfathomable: Nevada Voting App Will First Be Tested During the Caucus

Snowflakes Upset That Nancy Pelosi Tore Trump’s Speech Into Little Snowflakes

Countless Americans are up-in-arms after Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi took her copy of president Trump’s State of the Union speech and tore it into pieces. Pelosi says that compared to what the president has said and done that … Continue reading Snowflakes Upset That Nancy Pelosi Tore Trump’s Speech Into Little Snowflakes

Liberals glad trump was putins little bitch after hypersonic weapon announced

Democrats now glad Trump has been Putin’s little bitch after Russia announces new hypersonic weapon

President Trump’s approval rating amongst the left jumped from 7.2% to 42.7% after Russian President Vladimir Putin announced a new, deadly, and unmatched hypersonic weapon yesterday. Democrats now admit that Trump’s submissive and subservient approach with Russia makes perfect sense. … Continue reading Democrats now glad Trump has been Putin’s little bitch after Russia announces new hypersonic weapon

Witch Hunt: Democrats line up to stack rocks on a nude Donald Trump as impeachment nears a dramatic end

Witch Hunt: Democrats line up to stack rocks on a nude Donald Trump as impeachment nears a dramatic end

Hellbent on completing their witch hunt in a timely manner, Democrats showed up at Donald Trump’s rally in Battle Creek, Michigan tonight; torches in hand. The mob burst on stage, interrupting Trump who was honoring a military dog. The president … Continue reading Witch Hunt: Democrats line up to stack rocks on a nude Donald Trump as impeachment nears a dramatic end

Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.” Continue reading Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

“My dreams became littered with terrifying sex monsters that attacked my lesbian lover Barb.” – Elizabeth Warren Continue reading Elizabeth Warren Recommends Changing Your Dreamcatcher Filter Every Spring

Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens

Cohen poured 14 gallons of gasoline, began playing ‘Spark the Fire’ by Gwen Stefani, and lit the contents of the dumpster before biting the heads off several chickens. Continue reading Steve Cohen Sparks Massive Dumpster Fire on House Floor, Bites Heads Off of Live Chickens

Senator Warrens homemade bong features the Rick and Morty character Mr. Meeseeks

Down-to-Earth Elizabeth Warren Hits Rick and Morty Bong on Instagram Livestream

The Senator began the livestream by saying “Hold on a sec, I’m going to go grab my bong,” before exiting the shot and flipping on ‘Kaya’ by Bob Marley. Continue reading Down-to-Earth Elizabeth Warren Hits Rick and Morty Bong on Instagram Livestream

Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”

Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character. Continue reading Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”

Virginia Politician: “What if We Only Painted Our Genitals?”

“The letter went on in vivid detail describing the painting process, preferred makeup brands, how to wash mascara out of your underwear, and more.” Continue reading Virginia Politician: “What if We Only Painted Our Genitals?”