MLB Highlights “The Raw Sexual Tension of Baseball” on Opening Day

YouReadyGrandma

“Most of the leathery, ball-related action on the field actually takes place in the players’ jockstraps,” Commissioner Rob Manfred stated.

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Elon Musk & The Rock Are Costarring in an Adult Film

YouReadyGrandma

“I pulled all of my investments in Elon’s companies halfway into the movie because I was certain he had been [expletive] to death.”

Oblivious Mike Pence Wears Furry Tail to CPAC

YouReadyGrandma

An attempt to clue the Vice President in using his teleprompter backfired; resulting in Pence aggressively shouting “There’s a tail sticking out of your ass” in the middle of an impassioned speech on moral decay in America.

Senator Cory Booker & Elmo Remind Americans: “Despite Incredibly Hot Beard, Ted Cruz is Still a Douche”

YouReadyGrandma

Booker’s 15 minute ventriloquism act included a perfectly performed impersonation of Sesame Street’s best-known character.

4 in 5 Men Think Masturbating With Another Man ‘Isn’t Gay’

YouReadyGrandma

A poll of 565 men has found that 82% did not believe mutual masturbation to be a homosexual act, with respondents expressing a sentiment that touching cock isn’t gay, but lips touching lips is gay – meaning that emotional intimacy is their real issue – not the dick. What do you think? Joshua O’brien: “If this is true, then not only was I snubbed on an invite to Tim’s bachelor party last week, but I probably missed an opportunity to bond with the bros over a sweet circle jerk. No..no homo.” Rosalie Pruitt: “So you’re saying the next time I see a group of hot guy friends at a bar, it’s not even remotely unrealistic later when I fantasize about them getting it on? There is a God.” Logan Allen: “I don’t know why other straight dudes want to complicate their close, disappointingly platonic relationships with their homeboys when there’s at least two perfectly good gay bathhouses in the Denver area.” Return Home Take me to the MEMES! Source

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