Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay

Eggland’s Best, the largest producer of dairy eggs supplied to grocery stores in the US, has announced a recall of 110 million eggs today over fears that they may be contaminated; making young boys and some adult men become homosexuals.

Eggland’s Best CEO Karen Peterson made a brief statement about the massive recall.

“Men and boys impacted by the eggs are easy to identify,” Peterson stated. “They’re coloring, decorating and bedazzling the eggs with pastels and jewels. Some, I’m told, are even putting the tainted eggs in beautiful, handmade wreaths. It’s devastating.”

Peterson says that the contamination is not likely limited to the eggs alone as the egg cartons have also been used to make adorable cardboard caterpillars and ladybugs.

“We truly cannot apologize enough.” Petersen sobbed.

Boys who came in contact with the eggs sooner than others were already frolicking in fields in search of more eggs to paint before noon; leading experts to believe the gay eggs have addictive properties.

Eggland’s Best also believes that the tainted eggs are strong enough to impact dads as some have been getting involved in the activities. In extreme cases, after they had finished decorating their eggs, adult men began using the empty cartons for gardening projects.

“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our product,” the dejected CEO stated. “My husband left me because of the gay eggs today too.”

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Main Photo Credit: Mike Mozart
Inlaid Photo Credit: Lawrence Jackson

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