Karen Pence: ‘Is It Too Late to Change the Gay Man I’m Quarantined With?’

YouReadyGrandma

A frustrated Karen Pence made an awkward request during a guest appearance this morning on Fox & Friends with her husband Mike Pence. “Is it too late to change the gay man I’m quarantined with?” a teary-eyed Karen Pence half-joked. “All he wants to do is cuddle and watch Dancing With the Stars while saying how excited he is to be a contestant next season.” The unexpected statement left vice president Mike Pence visibly embarrassed and flustered. “Mother… Mother likes to joke around,” Pence stated while turning bright red. “We have a good time.” Karen Pence then continued on with her complaint. “I mean, Lance Bass, Ricky Martin, Zachary Quinto… any of these men would be more entertaining and just as sexually fulfilling as Michael here,” Karen Pence stated while poking the vice president in the ribcage. “The closet doesn’t even want this boring old queen around.” Advertisements

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Harvard Study Reveals that All Homophobic Men are Gay

“This lengthy, intricate study was conducted by the folks at the Harvard Center for Brain Science and incorporated proven Penis Responsiveness Technology (PRT) and Brainwave Function Reading (BFR) from leading scientists from the Biomimetic Robotics Lab at MIT.”

Mike Pence revokes pardons after learning two male turkeys overnighted at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel

YouReadyGrandma

Vice President Mike Pence had president Trump revoke the pardons for two male turkeys that were set free yesterday after learning they’d stayed together in a room at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel the previous night. The reversal marks the first time that the turkeys weren’t spared since the White House tradition began in 1989. After the turkeys were slain, Pence took them home to stuff and serve at his Thanksgiving dinner. As of press time it’s unclear whether or not the Vice President will stick his head in the oven as well.

Chick-fil-A says they’ll stop exclusively killing and serving gay chickens

YouReadyGrandma

After decades or targeting the homosexual chicken community, Chick-fil-A says they’ll no longer actively source LGBTQ fowl to serve in their restaurants. The announcement comes as a shock to many, as the company had never mentioned the practice before. Meanwhile, the news has sparked outrage among the religious right who now have to come to terms with the fact that they’ve repeatedly put homosexual flesh inside of their mouths and swallowed every single time.

Mike Pence: “Gay Conversion Therapy Saved My Life”

YouReadyGrandma

The Vice President says he still suffers from nervous tics while around attractive men.

Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet

“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.”

Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay

“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.”

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