Karen Pence says she will only allow her husband to debate Kamala Harris if she can sit on stage between the two candidates and “make sure that Mike doesn’t give in to sexual temptations.” Shortly after the news broke, Joe … Continue reading Karen Pence Insists on Sitting Between Mike Pence & Kamala Harris on Debate Stage
Mike Pence argued today that opening schools amidst the coronavirus pandemic is acceptable because “COVID-19 will still kill less children than school shootings this year, and we don’t do anything to prevent those.” “If you’re scared about your child getting … Continue reading Pence Reassures: ‘More Students Will Die From School Shootings Than COVID’
The White House announced today that they will be issuing a mandate requiring families with school-aged children to send at least one child to school as tribute for a school reopening experiment. “Because our nation is so divided right now … Continue reading Families Told to ‘Select One Child as Tribute’ For School Reopening Experiment
Vice President Mike Pence modeled the new version of the United States Space Force uniform for photographers today after the administration was deeply criticized for using camouflage uniforms for outer space missions. “These lightweight, durable, leather harness uniforms are sleek … Continue reading Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design
President Donald Trump is furious that he hasn’t received a gift from Santa since 2000 – when he was 54 years old. Continue reading Trump threatens North Pole after going 18 years without a single present from Santa
It’s the most productive day of the year: National Cocaine Day! Celebrated the first Wednesday of December, the US Labor Department says the holiday typically produces six times the normal work output. To mark the day, a fast-talking, wide-eyed president … Continue reading Nearly Nude: Trump drops his pants while celebrating National Cocaine Day
Vice President Mike Pence had president Trump revoke the pardons for two male turkeys that were set free yesterday after learning they’d stayed together in a room at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel the previous night. The reversal marks the … Continue reading Mike Pence revokes pardons after learning two male turkeys overnighted at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel
After following Mike Pence home Sunday night to ask questions about the impeachment hearings, field reporters from FOX News saw something much, much more interesting in the Vice President’s garage: a ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ banner along with several campaign yard signs. … Continue reading Breaking: ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ Campaign Signs Spotted in Pence Family Home Garage
“The children’s entertainment and pizza chain explicitly stated that Vice President Mike Pence will not be allowed inside after his furry tail butt plug incident months back.” Continue reading Mike Pence, Other Furries Banned From All Chuck E. Cheese’s
“There’s no room for every musky man to lie down on the concrete, so they have to get creative with the cuddling. It just looks like a great experience.” – Mike Pence Continue reading Mike Pence Pops a Boner During Visit to U.S. Concentration Camp
“Mr. Trump rationalized eating 17 apple pies before vomiting all over himself and his desk. It makes sense to us, but we don’t expect the mainstream media to get it.” – Sarah Huckabee Sanders Continue reading Trump Eats 17 McDonald’s Apple Pies for Pi Day
An attempt to clue the Vice President in using his teleprompter backfired; resulting in Pence aggressively shouting “There’s a tail sticking out of your ass” in the middle of an impassioned speech on moral decay in America. Continue reading Oblivious Mike Pence Wears Furry Tail to CPAC
Trump starts gagging and declares that ‘the golden juice went down the wrong pipe!’ Continue reading Mueller: Gay Tryst, Pee Tape Emerged From Investigation
“These kids aren’t fully investing themselves in the vibrant artistic expression and riveting stories.” – Jane Meyers, Head of Stanford’s Sex & Gender Studies Continue reading Study: Millennials are the First Generation to Not View Pornography for the Plot Line
“Our first guideline for all users is that you cannot use nude photos in your profile, so that was strike one.” Continue reading Mike Pence Banned From Grindr
“We estimate that he was out cold with water in his lungs for about 2 minutes.” Continue reading President Trump is Still Learning How to Drink Water
On Thursday night, Vice President Mike Pence walked up to Donald Trump just outside of the White House Kitchen and “straight up dropped the motherfucker” with … Continue reading Mike Pence Has Totally Snapped
