A frustrated Karen Pence made an awkward request during a guest appearance this morning on Fox & Friends with her husband Mike Pence. “Is it too late to change the gay man I’m quarantined with?” a teary-eyed Karen Pence half-joked. “All he wants to do is cuddle and watch Dancing With the Stars while saying how excited he is to be a contestant next season.” The unexpected statement left vice president Mike Pence visibly embarrassed and flustered. “Mother… Mother likes to joke around,” Pence stated while turning bright red. “We have a good time.” Karen Pence then continued on with her complaint. “I mean, Lance Bass, Ricky Martin, Zachary Quinto… any of these men would be more entertaining and just as sexually fulfilling as Michael here,” Karen Pence stated while poking the vice president in the ribcage. “The closet doesn’t even want this boring old queen around.” Advertisements
Users of the popular gay dating and hookup app ‘Grindr’ have reported that Vice President Mike Pence had a countdown to impeachment on his profile that only remained visible for a few minutes. One user managed to snap a screen shot of Pence’s profile before it was changed. Later the two men met at the vice president’s home in Washington D.C. whereupon Pence gave the man a rusty trombone for nearly 4 hours while masterfully performing several patriotic songs with his lips.
Vice President Mike Pence modeled the new version of the United States Space Force uniform for photographers today after the administration was deeply criticized for using camouflage uniforms for outer space missions. “These lightweight, durable, leather harness uniforms are sleek and form fitting, but non-restrictive,” Pence stated. “I’ve been wearing something similar for years, so I can attest to the craftsmanship.” Photo credit torbakhopper
President Donald Trump is furious that he hasn’t received a gift from Santa since 2000 – when he was 54 years old.
It’s the most productive day of the year: National Cocaine Day! Celebrated the first Wednesday of December, the US Labor Department says the holiday typically produces six times the normal work output. To mark the day, a fast-talking, wide-eyed president Trump delivered an energetic, rambling speech before inviting Mike Pence to snort a line of coke out of his ass crack on national television. “I’m going to drop ’em Mike!” Trump yelled while tugging down on his pants.” Before a bright red and sweaty Pence could reluctantly decline the offer, Trump had already yanked his pants off on the White House’s West Lawn; exposing his lightly soiled, off-white underwear.
Vice President Mike Pence had president Trump revoke the pardons for two male turkeys that were set free yesterday after learning they’d stayed together in a room at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel the previous night. The reversal marks the first time that the turkeys weren’t spared since the White House tradition began in 1989. After the turkeys were slain, Pence took them home to stuff and serve at his Thanksgiving dinner. As of press time it’s unclear whether or not the Vice President will stick his head in the oven as well.
After following Mike Pence home Sunday night to ask questions about the impeachment hearings, field reporters from FOX News saw something much, much more interesting in the Vice President’s garage: a ‘Mother-Pence 2020’ banner along with several campaign yard signs. Notably, the campaign materials in question have retained the ‘MAGA’ slogan, but repurposed the acronym to stand for “Make All the Gays go Away.” Return Home Take me to the MEMES!