In his first official act in response to the deadly Texas flooding, President Trump announced the first-ever tariffs to be placed on Heaven. Citing what he called a “clear breach of contract” by God, Trump blamed the death and destruction … Continue reading ‘Heaven’s Had It Too Good for Too Long,’ Trump Says: U.S. Slaps 100% Tariff on Heaven in Response to Deadly Texas Floods
Trump Supporters Burn Bibles After Finally Learning What Jesus Would Do The IRS is facing backlash from Republicans after announcing that churches may only endorse political candidates without being taxed if they can cite valid religious reasons from their holy … Continue reading IRS Accidentally Bans Churches From Endorsing Republicans By Requiring Valid Religious Reasons
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a 6–3 decision along political lines, the Supreme Court ruled today that non-consensual cosmetic surgery on male infant genitals remains fully legal, “so long as it’s done before the child can talk, walk, or scream ‘No!’” … Continue reading Supreme Court Confirms Parents’ Right to Remove Part of Child’s Penis for Non-Medical Reasons
President Trump is refusing to recall nearly 37 million bananas after discovering that genetically modified seeds had retained penile DNA as the result of a laboratory incident involving lewd acts between Trump’s Head of the FDA, Martin Makary, and a … Continue reading Trump Refuses to Recall 37 Million Bananas Containing Head of FDA’s Penis DNA
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After years of pearl-clutching over pronouns and endless legislation aimed at banning “woke ideology,” Republicans have finally admitted the truth: none of it was ever about protecting “traditional values.” It was about one thing and one thing … Continue reading GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”
Men across the globe are abandoning meat overnight after a groundbreaking Harvard University study revealed that a healthy, plant-based diet is directly linked to increased blood flow, penis size, and harder erections. The study found that 89% of men who … Continue reading BREAKING: Most Men Worldwide Convert to Veganism After Study Shows Diet Increases Penis Size
In a fiery new rant, former President Donald Trump has claimed that Pope Francis is “possessed by a demon,” following the Vatican leader’s condemnation of several Trump administration policies. The Pope, who is known for advocating for social justice, peace, … Continue reading Trump Says “Pope Francis is Possessed” After Leader of Church Condemns His Policies
A recent study by Harvard University shows that Republicans in the US strongly believe that mentioning the existence of any LGBTQ+ people to kids is inherently sexual and therefore inappropriate for them to hear about. The study comes at a … Continue reading Study: Republicans Think Kids Being Aware Of ‘Straight’ Couples Is Fine, But Mentioning Gay People Is ‘Too Sexual’
The United States Supreme Court ruled today that Colorado web designer Lorie Smith, who is refusing to serve gay customers, must put a sign in her store window that reads “No Gays” or “Heterosexuals Only” if she wants to retain … Continue reading Supreme Court Says Web Designer Refusing To Serve LGBTQ+ Must Display “No Gays!” Sign In Window
A new bill focused on student gender and sexuality has been introduced in San Francisco, stirring up controversy in the Bay Area and around the country. If passed, the law would require teachers to assume that all students are part … Continue reading San Francisco Bill Treats All Students As Gay Unless They ‘Come Out’ As Straight
Despite clearing their browser histories, Ron DeSantis and dozens of fellow Florida republicans are having an extremely difficult time getting themselves to stop thinking about gay kids. “Anything relating to the queers has to be considered sexual; even their very … Continue reading Despite Clearing Browser Histories, FL Republicans Still Unable To Stop Thinking About Gay Kids
The Catholic church announced this week that they will not be blessing same-sex marriages until the age of consent is lowered to allow bishops, cardinals and priests to marry the young boys that they’ve been grooming for years. “This is … Continue reading Citing Discrimination, Catholic Church Refuses To Bless Same-Sex Marriages Until Age Of Consent Is Lowered
Columbia, SC – Senator Lindsey Graham says the only reason he’s conservative is because he gets “incredibly hot” when he hears fellow right-wingers mock, belittle, and dehumanize homosexuals such as himself. Graham claims this is who he is at his … Continue reading Gay Conservative Just Really Turned On By Being Dehumanized
Vice President Mike Pence had president Trump revoke the pardons for two male turkeys that were set free yesterday after learning they’d stayed together in a room at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel the previous night. The reversal marks the … Continue reading Mike Pence revokes pardons after learning two male turkeys overnighted at the luxe Willard Intercontinental Hotel
After decades or targeting the homosexual chicken community, Chick-fil-A says they’ll no longer actively source LGBTQ fowl to serve in their restaurants. The announcement comes as a shock to many, as the company had never mentioned the practice before. Meanwhile, … Continue reading Chick-fil-A says they’ll stop exclusively killing and serving gay chickens
“When I think of something, you better believe I’m going to go right up to him, get right on Peter and really ride him. Just unload on him with everything I’ve got – and I’ve got a lot. Just ask Melania. I’ve been trying to finish for quite a while, and when I do it’s going to feel great folks. Just great.” Continue reading Trump Explains Why He Hasn’t Made a Homophobic Nickname For Pete Buttigieg, Yet
“Eggland’s Best apologizes if we’ve torn apart any families because of our gay eggs.” Continue reading Over 100 Million Eggs Recalled on Easter Over Concerns They’re Making Kids Gay
“The only sexual contact permitted in China for the foreseeable future will be homosexual in nature,” President Jinping stated while intertwining his fingers with NBA star Yao Ming. Continue reading China Bans Heterosexual Sex Over Population Concerns
