It’s Been 50 Years Since Neil Armstrong Definitely Pissed Himself on The Moon

Armstrong says he didn’t really need to pee, but that he was pranked by NASA…

Galaxy Note 10 Can Project Its Screen Onto Nearby Faces So You Can Pretend You’re Paying Attention to People


The New Apple Pro Display XDR Comes in 127 Parts, Each Sold Separately

“In one of the 127 boxes customers will find a serial number,” Cook stated. “That is the number they will enter online; unlocking the ability to purchase the instruction manual for putting the device together.”

New DespAir bnb Will Arrange Lodging for Hipsters in the Ghetto

“There’s no better way to seem interesting than with a story about the time you were held at gunpoint by the East Harlem crew for wearing the wrong color romper.”

U.S. Stops Development of Genetically-Modified, Cybernetic Babies

An executive order from the desk of President Trump has put an end to genetically-modified, cyborg baby programs.

Apple Releases iPhone Rotary with Real Crank-Dialing and Switchboard Operators

“Apple fans will buy it because they are, without a doubt, the biggest consumer whores on the planet,” CEO Tim Cook stated.

Uber’s New Submarine Service ‘ScUber’ Will Let Riders Drop Trash Directly on The Great Barrier Reef

“If you can toss a plastic soda ring right around a turtle’s neck or ram a straw up their nose you win $100 in Uber ride credits.”

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