After a morning interview in which former Vice President Joe Biden told black Americans “you ain’t black” if you are voting for Trump, president Trump fired back with two tweets, drawing a sharp contrast between the two candidates. Advertisements
A recent study by Princeton University comparing George W. Bush and Donald J. Trump to former, non-drug-addicted presidents definitively shows that the United States would have been better off electing someone who was sober and less racist. “We found that a president who uses cocaine and alcohol like Bush is just as detrimental to a country’s wellbeing as a president who is riddled with Adderall, like Trump,” researcher Susan Garrity stated. “Additionally, the results show that people who aren’t blinded by racism make for much better leaders – such as President Obama.” “Having said this, we do not recommend that president Trump get sober as he would become – somehow – much worse of a person than he already is as he goes through withdrawal symptoms,” Garrity stated. “Once sober, Trump would then be searching for his next addiction to fill the void and keep him occupied. This could very well mean the proper execution of many of his plans, which would only work to further harm the country. A sober Trump would be even more deadly.”
“If this will lift the curse from constructing Arrowhead Stadium on an Indian burial ground, then we’re willing to let it slide.” – Chiefs CEO Clark Hunt
The tweet was accompanied by the hashtags #WhiteLivesMatter and #MAGA.
As tropical storm Dorian heads toward Puerto Rico, White House aides are are scrambling once again, trying to convince the president that the island is a US territory. Sources in the White House say Trump remained confident that the US was helping a foreign nation throughout the aftermath of Hurricane Maria and he carries that sentiment to this day. “One problem is distance. The president can’t get past the fact that Puerto Rico is so far away,” an anonymous staffer stated. “In fact, we even have to spend an hour a week reminding Mr. Trump that Alaska and Hawaii are states.” “Then there’s the color issue,” the staffer added. “He asks things like, ‘If they’re American, why are they all brown?’ and honestly, all of us in the White House have a hard time pushing back. He has a point there.” Photo credit Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Today marks the first time that Merriam-Webster has put an official photograph in their famous dictionary.
Get rid of your twenty dollar bills before it’s too late! The U.S. Treasury Department says it will be taking the value of a $20 bill down to zero.