‘A Few Children Left Behind Program’ Will Send Least Promising Kids to School to See If Classrooms Are Safe

YouReadyGrandma

Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos announced her new ‘A Few Children Left Behind Program’ today which will allow schools to reopen on time in a limited capacity. Devos says that she’ll be sending the 10 least promising students per classroom back to school to see if reopening is safe. “We now realize that it was unrealistic to try to fit so many kids in such a confined space during a pandemic,” DeVos stated. “So instead we’ve decided that the 10 worst performing students per class from last year will be our guinea pigs so we can ensure that we are providing a safe learning environment for our gifted students.” DeVos says once she feels it’s safe, that she’ll be swapping the 10 initial test children out with the 10 smartest kids from the class. “If relatively few of the students are falling ill, dying, or spreading the virus then we’ll make that switch and let the kids with actual futures continue their educations,” DeVos stated.

Betsy DeVos Removes ‘Appreciation’ From National Teacher Appreciation Day

“At this point teachers must be making, what? $125 thousand a year and they won’t stop complaining?” DeVos stated. “We have to push back against these union thugs who are always striking.”

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