The Norwegian Nobel Committee responsible for awarding the annual Nobel Peace Prize announced today that they are offering President Donald Trump the first ever Nobel Peace Participation Trophy, provided that he resigns immediately. The committee says the newly created category … Continue reading Nobel Prize Committee Offers Trump Participation Trophy in Exchange for Resignation
Employers are fully aware that their workers are struggling to afford rent, food, healthcare, and basic stability. This isn’t a mystery. The reality is that: You’re not imagining it, and you’re not wrong to be angry. On top of this, … Continue reading Your Boss Doesn’t Care You’re Broke: That’s the Business Model
The White House announced the release of Donald Trump’s new book titled My Struggle today, prompting the country of Germany to ban the paperback instantly. White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said that, despite strong pushback, the book will be … Continue reading Trump’s New Book ‘My Struggle’ Already Banned in Germany
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After years of pearl-clutching over pronouns and endless legislation aimed at banning “woke ideology,” Republicans have finally admitted the truth: none of it was ever about protecting “traditional values.” It was about one thing and one thing … Continue reading GOP Admits Pronoun Debate Was Just to Get Lindsey Graham to Stop Saying “She Crazy!” About Trump & Referring to Marjorie Taylor Greene as “He”
Men across the globe are abandoning meat overnight after a groundbreaking Harvard University study revealed that a healthy, plant-based diet is directly linked to increased blood flow, penis size, and harder erections. The study found that 89% of men who … Continue reading BREAKING: Most Men Worldwide Convert to Veganism After Study Shows Diet Increases Penis Size
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move to “simplify communication across America,” President Donald Trump has signed an executive order declaring that all spoken word, news, television, and publications must be stated or written in “fifth-grade English or lower.” “This … Continue reading Makes ‘English Limited to 5th Grade Level’ Official Language of U.S.
Cardi B’s latest release, “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy), has fans in stitches — and shock — as it unveils the real story behind her iconic hit “WAP.” Apparently, “WAP” wasn’t about what we thought. Instead, it was Cardi’s unfiltered take … Continue reading Cardi B’s New Song “WFP” (Wet Front Pussy) Reveals WAP Was About Her Sweaty Butthole All Along
In a bold counter to Elon Musk’s ‘Cash for Votes’ scheme, Kamala Harris has introduced an innovative idea: complete student loan forgiveness for anyone living in a swing state that she wins during the Presidential election. “Those in key swing … Continue reading Kamala Harris Announces Student Loan Forgiveness For All Residents In Swing States She Wins
🥂🍻🥃🍷 I BET AT LEAST 10%-15% of the 🇺🇸 U.S. is ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL 🍾🍺🍶 THERE’S AT LEAST 7 EMOJIS FOR IT 🤣😿 😈🥬💨 It’s FAR worse than the devil’s lettuce. Nobody talks about it, yet it’s everywhere—on TV, in … Continue reading I BET AT LEAST 10%-15% of the 🇺🇸 U.S. is ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL
Everyone loves to debate whether communism, socialism, or capitalism works. Critics point out the flaws in each system: communism often leads to authoritarianism, socialism struggles with inefficiencies, and capitalism fosters inequality. But here’s a thought: have we ever truly made … Continue reading The Universal Flaw in ALL Economic Systems: We Let a Few Wealthy People Take Control
Ever noticed how America, despite its capitalist roots, isn’t purely capitalistic? Our economy blends elements of capitalism with robust socialist programs like Social Security and Medicare, designed to provide essential safety nets. However, our healthcare system statistically lags behind other … Continue reading Proving America Isn’t Purely Capitalistic: Why Republicans Hate Hearing It and How Their Resistance Leaves Us Lagging Behind Other Democratic Socialist Countries in Healthcare
If you’ve never questioned the biggest beliefs in your life, then you aren’t even living. It’s like playing a video game and refusing to level up. Even Mario knows you should give those mushrooms a try. This goes for religion, … Continue reading Only humble people are truly intelligent
Alabama Governor Kay Ivey signed a bill into law today that will place any public school teachers who teach students about slavery into involuntary servitude programs. “There is not place for discussing slavery in Alabama schools. The past is in … Continue reading New Alabama Law Sentences Teachers Who Talk About Slavery To Involuntary Servitude
Representative Matt Krause (R-TX) has compiled a list of 850 books that he wants to ban in schools. Krause says the books in question “might make students feel discomfort, guilt, anguish, or any other form of psychological distress because of … Continue reading TX Republican To Ban 850 Books That ‘Could Make Students Feel Uneasy’
Merriam-Webster made a controversial move today when they announced that they had added yet another definition for the word ‘trumpery’ to the dictionary. The company explained their decision in a press release. “We believed it to be appropriate for current … Continue reading Webster’s Adds Vulgar Definition for ‘Trumpery’ to Dictionary
Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos announced her new ‘A Few Children Left Behind Program’ today which will allow schools to reopen on time in a limited capacity. Devos says that she’ll be sending the 10 least promising students per classroom … Continue reading ‘A Few Children Left Behind Program’ Will Send Least Promising Kids to School to See If Classrooms Are Safe
The idiots have won again. Webster’s Dictionary has added the cringeworthy word ‘irregardless’ to their big book of real words, signaling the complete collapse of the American education system. “Words are officially added to the dictionary when they are used … Continue reading ‘Irregardless’ Added to Dictionary, Finalizing Collapse of American Education System
Experts at the World Health Organization (WHO) released a pointed statement today revealing that they hope to open all Americans up to COVID-19 facts and teach them basic reasoning skills by early June – with the end goal being to … Continue reading Experts Say They Hope to Open America Up to Facts, Reason By Early June
