NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean

The head of NASA announced today that the organization plans to get rid of the aging International Space Station (ISS) by “purposely crashing it into the Pacific Ocean” sometime in January of 2031. NASA says that the decision was made … Continue reading NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean

Canadian Trucker Protest Enters 9th Day Of Hurling Insults Followed By Immediate, Heartfelt Apologies

Widely regarded as one of the most passive-aggressive protests in history, Truckers against vaccine mandates in Ottowa, Canada have entered their ninth day of hurling insults and then immediately issuing heartfelt apologies. “I’m sorry, but we’re quite livid. This is … Continue reading Canadian Trucker Protest Enters 9th Day Of Hurling Insults Followed By Immediate, Heartfelt Apologies

NASA Slapped With A Restraining Order After Probing The Sun’s Atmosphere

A restraining order was handed down to NASA on Tuesday after one of their spacecrafts was seen lurking near the Sun before it penetrated the massive ball of fire; touching it right on the atmosphere. Here’s what people are saying: Continue reading NASA Slapped With A Restraining Order After Probing The Sun’s Atmosphere

Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You

Scientists across the globe are now starting to admit that there is a perk for those of us who are wisely choosing not to get vaccinated against Covid: We’re 11 times more likely to meet God sooner than all of … Continue reading Jealous?: Anti-Vaxxers Are 11 Times More Likely To Meet God Before You

Hesitant Parents Sending Least Favorite Child To Get Vaccinated First

Due to widespread mistrust of both science and the CDC, the vast majority of kids age 5 to 11 who have been vaccinated are those designated as the “least favorite child” in their family. In fact, statistics show that more … Continue reading Hesitant Parents Sending Least Favorite Child To Get Vaccinated First

anti science anti mask anti pope anti vaxxer just saying no to everything at this point

Anti-Science Anti-Mask Anti-Pope Anti-Vaxxer Just Saying ‘No’ To Everything At This Point

(Knoxville, TN) Local man Brian McMillan, who is an anti-science, anti-mask, anti-pope, anti-vaxxer has found himself so against everything that he’s now stuck saying no to everyone no matter what. McMillan says the new affliction has caused him to regret … Continue reading Anti-Science Anti-Mask Anti-Pope Anti-Vaxxer Just Saying ‘No’ To Everything At This Point

Unimpressed: Richard Branson Said He Was ‘Over Space’ Only Seconds Into Weightlessness

Sources are reporting that billionaire Richard Branson quickly became bored with today’s space flight just seconds after passengers began experiencing weightlessness. “The spaceship was at the top of its flight path, 50-plus miles high, suspended in weightlessness while allowing the … Continue reading Unimpressed: Richard Branson Said He Was ‘Over Space’ Only Seconds Into Weightlessness

clearly depressed pluto has yet to complete a single orbit since demotion to dwarf planet

Clearly Depressed, Pluto Has Yet To Complete A Single Orbit Since Demotion To Dwarf Planet

Scientists have discovered that the former planet of Pluto has yet to complete an orbit since it was demoted to a dwarf planet in August of 2006. Many experts now say that Pluto is suffering from a phenomenon called perturbed … Continue reading Clearly Depressed, Pluto Has Yet To Complete A Single Orbit Since Demotion To Dwarf Planet

Louisiana to bring back football warns 100 chance of death

Louisiana to Bring Back Football, Warns of 100% Death Rate to Those Who Stand In the Way

Louisiana Governor John Bel Edwards was strong-armed into beginning Phase 3 of reopening today despite COVID-19 cases in his state being on the rise. Edwards says the move is “not ideal, but necessary” due to the fact that citizens said … Continue reading Louisiana to Bring Back Football, Warns of 100% Death Rate to Those Who Stand In the Way

Study Shows Oleandrin Cures COVID Just as Effectively as Smothering Someone to Death with a MyPillow®

A new study by the University of Oxford shows that oleandrin, a deadly poison extract from the oleander plant, is just as effective at curing COVID-19 as smothering someone to death with a MyPillow®. The news comes just days after … Continue reading Study Shows Oleandrin Cures COVID Just as Effectively as Smothering Someone to Death with a MyPillow®

White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany shocked the press today when she accidentally acknowledged that science does in fact exist, but that it shouldn’t impact the decisions the nation makes during the pandemic. “A little thing called ‘science’ should not … Continue reading White House Stuns Press By Accidentally Acknowledging Existence of Science

The Pope Calls Trump Supporters Evil at Worst Stupid at Best

Pope Francis Calls Trump Supporters ‘Evil at Worst, Stupid at Best’

During an evening address at the Vatican, Pope Francis made remarks on the coronavirus and the state of the world that included harsh words for US president Donald Trump and his supporters. “Truly I tell you, there is a reason … Continue reading Pope Francis Calls Trump Supporters ‘Evil at Worst, Stupid at Best’

Hamster That Swapped Brains With Dr. Ben Carson in 2015 Supports Joe Biden, Black Lives Matter

An adorable hamster that has housed the real brain of Ben Carson since a failed 2015 experiment came forward today to voice support for Joe Biden and Black Lives Matter. The hamster, which according to all leading scientists is Ben … Continue reading Hamster That Swapped Brains With Dr. Ben Carson in 2015 Supports Joe Biden, Black Lives Matter

Chloroform Drug Trials Prove Successful in Subduing Those Refusing to Socially Distance

Researchers are reporting that early trials with the drug chloroform have been successful in preventing the spread of COVID-19 by people refusing to follow social distancing rules. “The scientific community is optimistic that chloroform can help to subdue people who … Continue reading Chloroform Drug Trials Prove Successful in Subduing Those Refusing to Socially Distance

Scientists Preemptively Warn Against Sticking Your Head in the Oven

In the wake of Donald Trump suggesting that we inject people with disinfectants to kill the coronavirus during his daily address, scientists have gone ahead and preemptively issued a warning against turning your oven on and then sticking your head … Continue reading Scientists Preemptively Warn Against Sticking Your Head in the Oven