NASA To Turn 450-Ton, Non-Recyclable International Space Station Into ‘Somebody Else’s Problem’ By Crashing It Into The Ocean

The head of NASA announced today that the organization plans to get rid of the aging International Space Station (ISS) by “purposely crashing it into the Pacific Ocean” sometime in January of 2031. NASA says that the decision was made because the ISS is already 20 years old and it costs $4 billion a year to operate.

“Our astronauts have yet to find any useful information in over two decades. So we’re going to sink this pointless thing down into depths of the Pacific,” Administrator Bill Nelson confirmed.

When asked why they wouldn’t just leave the ISS in space, Nelson stated, “The Earth is already fucked, so we’re trying to keep space as clean as possible. Plus, this way it’s somebody else’s problem – or nobody’s. We’re really not sure what the ecological impact will be. We went at this with an ‘out of sight, out of mind mentality.'”

Notably, this isn’t the first time NASA and other nations have purposely crashed billions of dollars worth of technology into the Pacific. In fact, in total, over 260 man-made spacecrafts have been kerplunked into this part of the ocean in the past 4 decades.

As of press time NASA had yet to confirm whether or not they’d be helping the astronauts to de-board the ISS beforehand.

“It’s only 2022, so the astronauts should have plenty of time to figure out a ride home,” Nelson stated. “You can get a lot done in nine years.”

Leave a Comment