After mocking 16-year-old climate change activist Greta Thunberg, who has Asperger’s, president Donald Trump announced his new Be Bestest campaign that encourages belittling and name calling of kids ages zero to seventeen. “Why be best when you can be the bestest folks?” Trump asked a crowd in Dallas, Texas. “Keep it simple and put these shitty kids into their place. That’s what I say folks. I keep it simple because I’m that simple. I really am. I really am.” Advertisements
A tribe of at least 1,200 gigantic Amazonian women has fled into Brazil’s cities in order to escape unbelievably massive rainforest fires that have been burning for three weeks. The invasion of oversized woman left most Brazilians shocked, intrigued or aroused. Many of the towering women, who are all at least 8-feet tall, have already signed lucrative WNBA and modeling contracts. “It’s great that these women have integrated into our society so quickly because we have no plans to stop this fire,” Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro stated. The Amazon, which provides 20% of the planet’s oxygen, will likely burn up completely in the coming weeks.
“Except for in Hawaii, Alaska and the penis-tip part of Florida – where it will be very wet – Americans should prepare themselves for absolutely nothing.”
“Have they considered powering these windmills with coal?”
“It’s safe to say that most residents of the state of Mississippi have been vegetarian, or close to it, since 2009.” – Governor Phil Bryant
We can’t have Canada smelling like burnt, used condoms anymore,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stated.
“The people alive today are the last generation of humans that’ll live on this planet as we know it. Having said that, I’d like to invite everyone to go ahead and eat a dick.”