NRA Recommends Pocket Knives For Babies This Christmas: ‘Guns Are For Toddlers & Older’

The National Rifle Association says that this Christmas the perfect last minute present for a new baby is a pocket knife. Notably, the announcement is a huge flip-flop after decades of the NRA saying that guns are perfectly safe for … Continue reading NRA Recommends Pocket Knives For Babies This Christmas: ‘Guns Are For Toddlers & Older’

Conservatives Boycott Petco & Petsmart After Learning The Stores Are A Safe Haven For Groomers

A large group of angry conservatives took to social media today to announce a boycott of Petco and PetSmart after learning that both American pet retailers engage in the act of grooming. “Now they’re even going after our pets!” Fox … Continue reading Conservatives Boycott Petco & Petsmart After Learning The Stores Are A Safe Haven For Groomers

Study: 79% Of Fox News Viewers Just People Too Challenged By TV Remotes To Learn How To Change The Channel

A study conducted by Brigham Young University has revealed that the vast majority of Fox News viewers are actually just a captivated audience of people too challenged by TV remotes to learn how to change the channel. “It appears that … Continue reading Study: 79% Of Fox News Viewers Just People Too Challenged By TV Remotes To Learn How To Change The Channel

‘Tucker’ Carlson’s Name Originates From The Act Of Drag Queens Taping Their Weiners Between Their Legs

After spending months railing against the LGBTQ community and drag queens by calling them “groomers” and “pedophiles,” Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson admitted today that he is – in fact – named after the act of “tucking,” which is when … Continue reading ‘Tucker’ Carlson’s Name Originates From The Act Of Drag Queens Taping Their Weiners Between Their Legs

Fox News Forces Caitlyn Jenner To Use A Bathroom At The Pizzeria Across The Street

Caitlyn Jenner found out today that she is not allowed to use the men’s or women’s restrooms at Fox News. Instead, Jenner was told by executives at her new place of work to leave the building and go use the … Continue reading Fox News Forces Caitlyn Jenner To Use A Bathroom At The Pizzeria Across The Street

Trump Calls Himself A ‘Sapiosexual’ While Praising Putin As A ‘Crafty & Brilliant Thinker’

Former president Donald Trump gave praise to Vladimir Putin today for the methods he’s using to invade Ukraine while he was on Laura Ingraham’s show. Trump went so far as to call the Russian president a “crafty and brilliant thinker” … Continue reading Trump Calls Himself A ‘Sapiosexual’ While Praising Putin As A ‘Crafty & Brilliant Thinker’

Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat & Pinterest Ban All Content From Trump’s Truth Social On Their Platforms

“We banned him for a reason, so we’re not letting that piece of shit back on here in any way, shape or form.” Continue reading Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat & Pinterest Ban All Content From Trump’s Truth Social On Their Platforms

Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In 'Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment'

Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’

Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent an entire hour last night attacking the Biden family for allegedly declawing the new White House cat. The decision to focus on the topic came despite the fact that nobody at Fox had confirmed … Continue reading Dressed As A Cat, Tucker Carlson Claims Biden Declawed New White House Pet In ‘Thiny-Veiled Attack On 2nd Amendment’

Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’

According to sources at Fox News, entertainer Tucker Carlson has spent the last few days disillusioned, crying and upset that the Mars company has made their green M&M character “less sexy” by swapping out her high heels for regular shoes. … Continue reading Tucker Carlson Livid That The Green M&M Is ‘No Longer Fuckable’

Critical Racist Has Theory That US Should Defund Military

Critical Racist Laura Ingraham Has Theory That US Should Defund The Military

Critical of the US military, racist Fox News host Laura Ingraham shared a theory that the United States should defund the military if it plans to support the teaching of critical race theory. The TV host spoke out about the … Continue reading Critical Racist Laura Ingraham Has Theory That US Should Defund The Military

rick-santorum-just-empty-suit-and-half-baked-ham

CNN Fires Rick Santorum After Realizing He’s Just A Half-Baked Ham Balancing On An Empty Suit

CNN cut ties with former political commentator and two-time failed GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum today after realizing that he was just a half-baked ham balancing on an empty suit. CNN, who had allowed Santorum to be on air since … Continue reading CNN Fires Rick Santorum After Realizing He’s Just A Half-Baked Ham Balancing On An Empty Suit

Brett Favre Dick Pick Tattoo

Brett Favre Reveals New ‘Shut Up About Politics’ Tattoo In Latest Dick Pic

Just hours after declaring that athletes should keep personal politics out of sports, former NFL quarterback Brett Favre sent a series of unsolicited sexual photos to several female sports journalists at both CNN and Fox News. According to recipients, the … Continue reading Brett Favre Reveals New ‘Shut Up About Politics’ Tattoo In Latest Dick Pic

hundreds of fact checkers laid off after new press secretary fails to lie in first briefing

Hundreds Of Fact Checkers Laid Off After New Press Secretary Fails To Lie In First Briefing

Sources are reporting that hundreds of fact checkers at news organizations around the world were abruptly let go from their jobs after White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki completed an entire briefing without lying once to the press. “With the … Continue reading Hundreds Of Fact Checkers Laid Off After New Press Secretary Fails To Lie In First Briefing

Fox News Now calling covid deaths meetings with jesus

Fox News Is Now Calling Coronavirus Deaths ‘Meetings With Jesus’

According to a leaked memo, Fox News anchors are now only allowed to refer to COVID-19 deaths as “meetings with Jesus.” Many are calling the move a shamefully transparent attempt to influence public perception of the White House’s handling of … Continue reading Fox News Is Now Calling Coronavirus Deaths ‘Meetings With Jesus’

Man Who Has Never Celebrated Columbus Day Says He’ll Be Livid if It’s Cancelled

Unsure of exactly what Columbus Day is, or how or why people celebrate it, local man Tim Morris of Delafield, Wisconsin says he’ll be absolutely livid if lawmakers remove the holiday. “This doesn’t impact Tim or anyone I know at … Continue reading Man Who Has Never Celebrated Columbus Day Says He’ll Be Livid if It’s Cancelled

Experts Warn People to Stay at least 6 Channels Away from Fox News

Medical Experts Recommend Staying at Least 6 Channels Away From Fox News

A group of over 200 immunology experts from around the world released a letter today begging Americans to “keep a safe distance of at least six channels from Fox News.” The letter listed several reasons for for the warning. “Fox … Continue reading Medical Experts Recommend Staying at Least 6 Channels Away From Fox News

Study: More Americans Drown in Swimming Pools Last Year Than Have Ever Received Useful Advice From Dr. Phil

An in-depth study by the University of California-Berkeley revealed today that the number of Americans who drown in a swimming pool last year far surpassed the amount of people who have ever received any helpful advice from Dr. Phil. “In … Continue reading Study: More Americans Drown in Swimming Pools Last Year Than Have Ever Received Useful Advice From Dr. Phil

Laura Ingraham does meth on live TV, then tries to conduct electricity using a steak

A tweaked-out Laura Ingraham ended her show on FOX News last night by smoking copious amounts of methamphetamines at her desk. She then wandered off set and came zooming back with a cold steak, plastic straws, and lightbulbs from the … Continue reading Laura Ingraham does meth on live TV, then tries to conduct electricity using a steak