Fox News host Tucker Carlson spent an entire hour last night attacking the Biden family for allegedly declawing the new White House cat. The decision to focus on the topic came despite the fact that nobody at Fox had confirmed if the animal had undergone the barbaric procedure.
“If anything, cat paws are just a smaller version of bear arms, and we all know that we have the right to bear arms,” Tucker Carlson shouted at the camera while putting on cat ears.
“Shall not be infringed means shall not be infringed! You can take our claws from our cold dead paws! Meow! Meow! Meeeooowwww!” Carlson yelled while leaping up on top of his desk.
Carlson then went on to debate whether or not a cat’s paws constitute an automatic or semi-automatic weapon and just what kind of ammunition the claws themselves would equate to.
The unhinged anchor – who by this point had painted cat whiskers on his face while referring to the Second Amendment as the “Second A-MEOW-ndment” – decided that a cat’s paws and claws are “automatic and hollow-point” after describing how felines utilize the appendage and how the claws themselves are physically structured.
As of press time, Tucker Carlson Tonight was still the number one most-watched cable news show, despite Fox News admitting that Carlson is not ‘stating actual facts’ about the topics he discusses and is instead engaging in ‘exaggeration’ and ‘non-literal commentary.’
Original Photo credit Gage Skidmore