Biden sends troops back to afghanistan to get oil

Troops Sent Back To Afghanistan After Biden Remembers Country Has Oil

The US military is doing an about-face and heading back to Afghanistan after President Joe Biden suddenly remembered that the war-torn country has massive, untapped oil reserves. Biden says it would be “unconscionable” to not secure the oil. “It would … Continue reading Troops Sent Back To Afghanistan After Biden Remembers Country Has Oil

Critical Racist Has Theory That US Should Defund Military

Critical Racist Laura Ingraham Has Theory That US Should Defund The Military

Critical of the US military, racist Fox News host Laura Ingraham shared a theory that the United States should defund the military if it plans to support the teaching of critical race theory. The TV host spoke out about the … Continue reading Critical Racist Laura Ingraham Has Theory That US Should Defund The Military

Insurrectionist Who’s Mad US Military Will Defend Country From Him Is Demanding Access To F-15’s, Nukes

President Joe Biden delivered a speech today in which he stated that if more insurrectionists wanted to try to take down the government that they would need weapons such as F-15’s and nukes to even have a chance against the … Continue reading Insurrectionist Who’s Mad US Military Will Defend Country From Him Is Demanding Access To F-15’s, Nukes

0.0034% of US Veterans Sign Open Letter Supporting Trump

Of the nearly 20.4 million US veterans in the United States, the Trump Administration managed to coax just under 700 of them on Craigslist to sign an open letter in support of the president. The letter comes just after it … Continue reading 0.0034% of US Veterans Sign Open Letter Supporting Trump

Pentagon: ‘It’s Time to Erect Statues In Honor Of Our Arriving Alien Overlords’

The Pentagon put an end to the ongoing statue removal debate today by ordering every statue in the country to be taken down and replaced with sculptures of our “soon-to-be arriving alien overlords.” The announcement comes just hours after the … Continue reading Pentagon: ‘It’s Time to Erect Statues In Honor Of Our Arriving Alien Overlords’

Heroic Dog Refuses to Accept Medal of Honor Until Country Elects a Real Leader

A German Shepherd named Max who served in both Iraq and Afghanistan is refusing to accept the Medal of Honor until the United States elects a new president. “I would rather be shaved bald and forced to take a bath … Continue reading Heroic Dog Refuses to Accept Medal of Honor Until Country Elects a Real Leader

Trump: ‘America Is Stockpiling Coronavirus to Use at a Later Date’

An explanation for the United States’ abysmal handling of the coronavirus has come to light after Trump stated that he has been trying to quietly build up America’s COVID-19 bioweapon stockpile ever since the virus reached the country. Specifically, the … Continue reading Trump: ‘America Is Stockpiling Coronavirus to Use at a Later Date’

Trump Poops His Pants at Pennsylvania Rally

Trump to Reinstate ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ to Prevent a Buttigieg Presidency

President Trump announced today that he will be reinstating “Don’t ask, don’t tell” (DADT), which was the official United States policy on military service by gays, bisexuals, and lesbians up until 2011. President Trump says the law will bar openly … Continue reading Trump to Reinstate ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ to Prevent a Buttigieg Presidency

Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

Vice President Mike Pence modeled the new version of the United States Space Force uniform for photographers today after the administration was deeply criticized for using camouflage uniforms for outer space missions. “These lightweight, durable, leather harness uniforms are sleek … Continue reading Mike Pence unveils updated, leather Space Force uniforms after mockery over camouflage design

Heartbroken: US military is distraught after “wasting 18 good years on that ignorant slut Afghanistan”

The largest military force in the world is in shambles after trying and failing to make an 18 year war with “that ignorant slut Afghanistan” work. Clearly shaken, the US military finally came to grips with reality after longtime friend, … Continue reading Heartbroken: US military is distraught after “wasting 18 good years on that ignorant slut Afghanistan”

Unworthy, Trump burns hand on Medal of Honor while placing award on military dog

President Donald Trump was severely burned today when he accidentally touched the Medal of Honor with his unworthy hands. Trump was awarding the medal to Conan – the dog injured in Syria during the killing of ISIS leader Abu Baker … Continue reading Unworthy, Trump burns hand on Medal of Honor while placing award on military dog

US Announces ‘Whale Force’ Military Division

“We wanted to name it something to do with the color blue, because the ocean is blue, even from space. In the end we settled on Whale Force and I think that’s just fine.” Continue reading US Announces ‘Whale Force’ Military Division