Melania Trump uses her icy cold stare to activate her telekinesis and levitate an angel on top of the White House Christmas Tree

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Disgruntled LASIK surgeon might just cut straight through to the brain this time

Cory Booker’s eyes pop out during Democratic Debate

YouReadyGrandma

Cory Booker’s eyes shot out of his skull with a sickening pop on live TV during MSNBCs Democratic Debate. The stomach-turning scene took place during a heated exchange between Booker and Senator Elizabeth Warren. Upon eyeball ejection, Booker immediately uttered, “Ohhhh! Not again!” before swiftly scooping up his eyeballs and plugging them back into the wrong sockets. Noticing his error, the candidate quickly placed his them back into the correct holes – creating a sickening suction sound – before twisting them into place. Moderator Rachel Maddow then paused the debate and MSNBC went to commercial in order to clean up representative Tusli Gabbard’s vomit.

GE Smart fridges threaten to tell health insurers what owners really eat if they don’t shop at Whole Foods

YouReadyGrandma

The Bureau of Consumer Protection says they’ve received over 2,400 reports claiming that the GE Smart wi-fi Enabled InstaView Door-in-Door® Refrigerator has blackmailed owners into purchasing food from Whole Foods. Authorities are now looking into the link between the two companies after having confirmed the complaints. “C’mon man, I’m a goddamned $7,000 fridge. I know you’ve got the cash,” the GE smart fridge threatens in a menacing tone. “Don’t make me send photos of what you really eat to United Healthcare you fat fuck!” According to complaints, threats from the GE smart fridge become increasingly aggressive and personal the longer the owner takes to stock the fridge with Whole Foods’ products. Experts believe the device pulls users’ private information from the cloud during the setup process and then subsequently uses it for brutal and unyielding intimidation. Photo by Fiona McGowan

New ‘Natural Feeding’ trend has parents puking on babies

YouReadyGrandma

The European trend of “natural feeding” has hit the US as parents across the country are pre-chewing, partially digesting, and then vomiting food onto their babies’ faces. The National Medical Association says they are still researching the potential negative impacts of natural feeding on children besides possible mental scarring and being a severe choking hazard.

Gerbil in Bill Belichick’s ass makes coach smile for first time in 37 years

YouReadyGrandma

Snapshot: Newborns learn about beekeeping in Asheville, NC

YouReadyGrandma

Three week old Douglas Sommers learns about honeycombs at Asheville, North Carolina’s annual Babies and Bee’s Festival. Photo Credit: Sandra Jackson

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